*Vik's Point of View*
It had been two months, two months since I let everything go, since I started to feel a little better about myself, feel better about the place I was in, the people I was around, the people I interacted with, and the people I called my friends. And to say a lot can happen in a short space of time, is an understatement. Landon convinced the boys to let me sit with them once again, and I felt like I was no longer alone in the world. Like I had a purpose once more, and that I had found my place. I had been so relieved when the boys let me join them for lunch again, and that I had my friends back, that I had completely forgotten about the pain that I had felt only a few months ago. And with the help of the jocks, people at school started to treat me like an actual human once more.
'Vik!' squealed one of the newer kids, Ben, as he ran up to me in the lunch hall. 'Someone was saying that you used to date Little Lachy, is that true?'
I gave the kid a nervous look, and then glanced over at Lachlan, who was cuddled up with Landon, both boys oblivious to the world around them. I then turned my attention back to Ben, and gave a little sigh. 'Yes, Ben, once upon a time I did...but that's in the past now.' I said, reaching out to ruffle the boy's hair, watching as he turned and darted back to his friends.
It had been awhile since I'd thought about the relationship I had once had, and to be honest, I missed it, a lot. But, I had to be supportive of my friend, and his new boyfriend – the same boy I had fallen for.
As we all filed out of the school building at the end of the day, I gave a little smile to the four boy's that I was walking home with today. Unfortunately, it was two couples, so the chance of me being involved in any conversation was slim at best. But, nevertheless, I walked with the four. Landon and Lachlan were chatting excitedly about something, while Simon and Lewis seemed to be having a little dispute about something – honestly, I didn't know what it was about. But it seemed to be very light-hearted.
'So, Vik, anyone caught your eye?' Simon asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I gave a little shake of the head, hoping that the boys would drop this conversation. But they didn't as the other three seemed to become a little more interested.
'You sure, Vik? I mean, that Ben kid seems to like you...' Lewis said, making me blush slightly, okay so perhaps I'd lied about not liking anyone, but they'd tease me...
'Well...we might have already been going out for a couple of weeks...' I said, dropping my gaze to the floor – suddenly finding the concrete interesting.
Two weeks after telling the four boy's that me and Ben were together, we came out to the rest of the jocks, and they seemed alright with it, almost all of them that is. Jerome and Mitch seemed a little annoyed about the current situation, but it didn't give any indication of what was to happen next.
'I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, VIK! HE'S ONLY A KID!' Jerome shouted, his fists balled up at his sides, and the venom in his voice cutting like a knife. 'I WANT YOU TO LEAVE! NOW! AND DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK! OR TALKING TO HIM!' Jerome screamed, raising his hand, pointing towards the door. I stood there, trying to work out what had happened. All I knew was that Ben was super upset about something, and Jerome was mad at me.
'Jerome... please let me talk to him...' I said, keeping my voice soft in hopes that he would calm down. But it was pointless, Jerome's hand clenched into a fist, and before I could react, I felt it connect to my stomach.
'I SAID LEAVE!' Jerome shouted, the rage clear, but I stood my ground, wanting to comfort my boyfriend – if he still is that...
I opened my mouth once again, to try and talk some sense into Jerome, but I felt another punch to my stomach, and collapsed to the ground clutching my stomach. Jerome, full of rage, continued to beat me for a good ten minutes, before he grabbed me by my hair and dragged me downstairs and out of the house. Dumping me on the doorstep. I went to get up, but he pushed me down the porch steps, letting me land on the ground at the bottom, bleeding, broken hearted, and confused.
The door slammed shut, and that's when I realised that I had just lost a second boyfriend, and this time I had no idea why. I lay there, on the hard ground, for what felt like hours, before I eventually tried to stand, feeling the pain coursing through me, as I got to my feet. Limping down the path, I turned to look back at the house once more, Ben's house, only to feel more pain wash over me. This time the pain was emotional. And I knew what I needed to do now, I needed to deal with this like I should have the first-time round. I need to stop falling in love.
The following day, as I clambered onto the bus, pain still in my stomach from the several large bruises that littered the skin, and several other wounds that covered my arms, face and neck, I felt the cold stare of the jocks. I was once again the outcast, the one that no one wanted to talk to, the one that was now a punching bag. Even Landon, Simon and Lewis gave me the cold shoulder when I was getting on the bus. And the ride to the school was excruciatingly long.
By the time the bus pulled up outside of the school, I was ready to cry. This was the worst feeling ever, the pain was stronger than ever before. And I had the urge to just not eat again, like I had the last time I felt this intense pain, and I knew that this would lead to bad things.
Filing off the bus, I was approached by Lachlan, he seemed furious about something. I could see the anger in his eyes, the same fury that Jerome had had last night, and as he approached I took the chance to prepare for the punch that was bound to be sent my way. And I silently thanked myself for the preparation, because as soon as I was close enough, a hard punch was thrown at me, hitting directly in my stomach, followed by a kick, which was aimed for my groin. At that I collapsed to the ground, just letting the jocks do their worst to me. Letting them beat me. Letting them physically abuse me. And all I did was hope for the end.
It wasn't until later in the day, after my third beating that I finally snapped. I was through with this. I was through with being abused. With being used. With being someone's boyfriend for a few short weeks and then tossed aside like I was nothing. And to make matters worse I still had no idea what was wrong with Ben. He hadn't turned up for school today, and wouldn't answer my messages. It was like he was gone, disappeared. Like he was never there to begin with.
Slumping to the ground for the third time, I felt the tears flow down my cheeks. They had left, but I didn't get up. I couldn't get up. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't be happy, and that's what made my choice easier. Eventually, after several minutes of sitting there, leaning against the wall of the school, with tears flowing down my cheeks, I stood up. Grabbing my backpack, which had been flung across the corridor, and headed out of the building. I no longer cared. I no longer felt anything. I no longer wanted to exist. And that was the thought that spurred me on, as I left the school, heading towards the small park one last time. I wanted to see the sky one last time from that park. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel something other than pain, other than suffering. I wanted to be loved. And I wanted to be wanted. But that was never going to happen. I was lost. I was a nobody. I was an outcast. And I was a burden to everyone.
I let the tears fall, as I let my feet lead me to the all too familiar park. I let myself think about everything that had happened. I had been in love, twice, and lost both loves, and now I was gone. Too far gone. Too deep into my own sorrow, my own pain, and there was no way to escape. I no longer had a way out. I no longer had my escape.
ysCz
