Zodiac Signs

signs in the woods after dark | story

Written as if it were a story

Aquarius: One dark and stormy night...
Scorpio: there lived a shit
Gemini: this was not an ordinary shit..
Aries: because this shit had many other shit friends..
Virgo: guys, if you're gonna start telling the story of our friendship in the middle of the woods–
Aquarius: how rude
Virgo: sooooooo why are we here exactly?
Aquarius: I wanna go vandalize some trains, down the track. We just need to hike through the woods.
Virgo: hmmm that sound illegal–
Scorpio: I'm in.
Cancer: I'm not sure about this.
Capricorn: I'll buy you food–
Cancer: suddenly, I have the urge to get arrested.
Sagittarius: you're all insane.
Aquarius: last week you jumped off a building because you were "bored".
Sagittarius: it was an idea. Didn't say it was a smart one.
Leo: it's illegal to be better looking than me.
Libra: well shit guys, I guess we're all going to jail.
Leo: that's so mean.
Capricorn: we gotta get going, it's getting really dark.
Pisces: it's not even that dark, stop being a little bitch
Capricorn: it's gonna get dark for you if you keep talking
Pisces: is that a threat?
Capricorn: obviously
Virgo: can you guys be quiet–
Cancer: no one tells me to be quiet unless it's my dad
Capricorn: be quiet
Cancer: that was smooth as hell

Meanwhile, near the abandoned trains

Taurus: I call the blue spray
Aquarius: I want the blue spray
Taurus: I called it first
Gemini: I want blue
Capricorn: I want blue too
Virgo: I wish I had a remote that could make everybody shut the hell up with the push of a button
Scorpio: *tosses a gun at Virgo* trigger, button. Same thing.
Sagittarius: I'm gonna draw a dick.
Aries: I'm going to burn it–
Sagittarius: NOT YET
Aries: aw nuts
Taurus: nuts and dicks. My friends are so imaginative
Libra: gotta love nuts and dicks
Taurus: we're like human squirrels
Aquarius: is everybody done?
Leo: almost
Aquarius: what the crap is that?
Leo: it's a dog
Aquarius: I thought it was Pisces
Pisces: why do you have to disrespect me like that
Leo: wow thanks. I'm really feeling the love
*police sirens sound in the distance*
Aries: OH FUCK THEY FOUND ME
Gemini: found you? Don't you mean us?
Aries: *hides the knife in their pocket* oh yeah... us.. not me... I didn't kill anyone.. stop looking at me..
Cancer: EVERYONE RUN
*10 minutes later*
Police officer: please explain to me why all of you decided to hide behind a stick?
Capricorn: please don't arrest me! I had nothing to do with any of this
Police officer: then why are you here?
Capricorn: well you see, what happened was–
Police officer: that was a rhetorical question. I don't care why you're here. I care about what you all did.
Police officer: what's your name?
Capricorn: don't tell him, Gemini
Police officer: *writes down Gemini*
Gemini: nice going, Capricorn
Police officer: this is probably the easiest interrogation I've ever had to do in my 20 years of experience
Taurus: you don't look a day over 78, sir!
Police officer: I'm 49..
Taurus: oops
Libra: I'm not getting arrested
Police officer: you can rethink about what you did in your prison cell
Libra: okay just let me talk to my mom
Police Officer: fine. you have five minutes
Libra: *on the phone* hey ma
Mom: hello
Libra: I did something bad..
Mom: does it affect me?
Libra: well more me–
Mom: then suffer in silence *hangs up*
Libra: *sigh* well, cuff me.
Police officer: huh?
Sagittarius: I didn't know Libra was into kinky shit
Police officer: is that what you're implying?
Libra: is that what you're thinking? ;)

I found this story on Instagram by an account named Cheesyastrology.