Your Majesty {NamJin}

nine

To my fellow ladies; the objects of my remorse, the centers of my prayers, and the embodiments of beauty

Greetings to my dear sisters, the family I've come to know and love. I have written today to say my final words, leave my best wishes, and make peace for my years in the harem.

I am sincerely sorry for all I've done to you. I've committed serious wrongs against you, and have stained the honor of the sisterhood.I understand that what I've done to some of you is irreparable, and that mere words cannot fill the trenches I've dug in your hearts, however I fall humbly on my knees to write this letter and beg for your forgiveness.

Cheonmyeong, I am so sorry for that spring evening on the shore. I remember that day like it was yesterday...it is difficult to imagine how years have passed since the incident occurred. I remember laughing at you as I called you worthless and weak, tearing at your hanbok and slapping the color from your once rosy cheeks. I remember pushing you into the water, still icy from winter's end. I remember how you emerged, weeping like a poor child. Your wet, matted hair stuck to your face. I remember telling you to stop crying and take me on like a real woman. I could barely tell you were crying, your face was already so wet...

God in Heaven cannot tell you the deep regret I feel for that day. My sweet Cheonmyeong, please don't hold that day to your heart anymore. I now realize the true gravity of what I've done, and I mean no word of my ramblings on that day. I wish nothing but the best for you, Cheonmyeong, and I hope that one day, if our paths cross again, you can smile when you see my wretched face.

Hyera, I have not only hurt your feelings, I have put your health in danger. I went out of my way to hurt you, and all for what? A temporary moment that decreases in significance as each second passes. I remember it all; how I took one of my old bottles of perfume, filled it with water and alcohol and dropped corpse flower extract into it. How I placed it on your desk when you were away and laid in wait for you to come back. How I watched intently as you took that whiff of pungent, rancid solution and immediately collapsed. Little did I know or care that you almost died that night, and I definitely did not say anything to apologize.

Hyera, your life is a precious one. That night, I did the most horrendous thing out of pure envy for you. You are a natural beauty, noticed by His Majesty himself, and I tried to take that away out of jealousy for you. I could never be as beautiful as you, much less as charming or graceful. I am sorry for everything I have put you through. Please continue to shine like the diamond you are.

I deserve to be put to death at your hand, yet here I sit, next to my comfort, support and -- for lack of a better word -- lover, Second Lord Kim of the North. Enjoying his company and the butterflies that roam in my stomach whenever I'm near him. Looking forward to the coming days, holding a certain hope in my heart. It is because he shed the light of mercy on me that I have come to feel this way towards you all and reach out like this to make peace with you as a friend and fellow sister.

Now, I say to you what he said to me on the first night he courted me: I do not care who you were a year ago. I do not care who you were a month ago. I do not care who you were a week ago, I do not care who you were yesterday. I only care about who you are now.

I ask my sisters now to forgive me. I will wholeheartedly receive penance for my sins, even if the penalty is death. I fully deserve it, just as I deserve the target of your scorn and rage. If you will only forgive me in death, may you find my head severed from my body tomorrow morning. I will welcome it humbly. I will welcome it in peace.

Thank you for everything you've done for me. My love for you is deep as the ocean, vast as the sky, and knows no bounds.

Sincerely,
Hae Seonbi