Grieving Escapades

Chapter One

Losing Faith

My world turned black. I felt my legs buckle, causing me to collapse. What was once peaceful silence turned to a nightmare of sensory overload; my heart echoing across my entire body, the unsteady breaths shaking from my lungs. Tears spilled from my eyes like water escaping a full catchment and I couldn't control it. I felt a pit in my stomach unlike anything I had ever felt before, and its impending doom overwhelmed me. I remember it like it was yesterday; losing my parents. I had never lost anyone in my twenty years of life, and when I eventually did, I lost the most important and loving people I knew.

The day started sunny and bright, but full of stress. University final exams were just around the corner and I had so much work to catch up on. I had spent the last week in my room, with my head in text books studying as much as possible, but I was still barely scratching the surface. I had always been the student who would do extremely well in all of the assessment tasks leading up until the finals. I always struggled with the stress and the unexpectedness I would find upon pulling back the first page of the exam paper. To void of that, studying everyday up until exam week seemed like the only option.

My parents just didn't seem to understand. While they had always raised me to understand the value of education, they never liked to see me stressed. I was an impulsive person, one with extreme emotions, and when the bad ones came out, I could be extremely unpleasant to be around. That's exactly what happened on that day, July 15th 2015.

I was in my room on my bed, tucked away by my second storey window, studying child protection for my social work course. I studied psychology at the local university, and while I enjoyed it at times, I was often questioning myself in whether it is what I truly wanted to do for the rest of my life.

My dad peaked his head through the door with a big smile on his face.

"Morgs, we are going fishing on the boat soon. Do you wanna come?"
My eyes rolled back behind my head at the thought of fishing. Being a vegan, fishing freaked me out. While I would sometimes tag along on the boat and just read, I had too much to do. There was no way I was going on the boat that day.
"Nah, I have too much study to do Dad," I responded.
He sighed.
"You need a break from those books! You are going to burn out otherwise," he exclaimed, shaking his head.
I didn't understand that. I was caught up in the idea that study equalled knowledge, which it often did, but not always. I automatically jumped to my defence.
"Well, do you want me to fail?" I asked harshly, eyeing him down.
"I just want you to be happy Morgan. All of this stress isn't necessary."
He was calm and he was right, but I was in the heat of the moment and I was ruthless.
"Like you would know! You and mum have never dealt with stress in your life. If I could mop floors for a living like you two and be content with that, I would! Some of us are actually driven though and want to do important things with our lives!"
"Ok, I'll just leave you to it" my dad sighed, before leaving the room.

The worst part of it all is that I didn't even feel guilty. Stubbornness was a trait of mine, as was the need to be right. I just let them leave for their fishing trip without saying another word. Little did I know that my world was about to change and that I would regret that moment for the rest of my life.

I walked downstairs to grab  a box of vegan choc chip cookies from the kitchen pantry. The TV was still on as I walked by and I saw it in the corner of my eyes.
"Warning for south west coast this afternoon, with sudden severe storms expected..."
It just didn't click. Walking back upstairs, I plonked myself on my bed, tearing open the box of cookies. I continued to study, reaching for a cookie every time I felt like I needed a break, which was often. As expected, I finished the entire box.

The day hurried on, with the storm striking not long after the broadcast. The shuddering of thunder shook the walls in my room, creating a constant thudding sound with the glass on my window. The prevailing dark skies were sparsely lit by strikes of lightening that would momentarily light up my room. The sound of the rain and thunder was comforting and I felt my stress ease slightly amidst my study.