you weren't just my star, you were my whole damn sky

can't let go...

Even though it's been almost a year nothing hurts more than seeing and talking to you. I just want to hug you, I want to be able to have you hold me and kiss me telling me you love me and make me feel like everything is going to be okay... Honestly the last time I was truly happy was back in January when we were together... And I hate that I miss you, I hate that I want nothing more than to just hug you and not let go for a long time. I want nothing more than to just have those late night conversations we had all those nights ago. I just miss you so much, I can't get over you and I can't figure out why. maybe it's because you were my first kiss, my first love, my first to a lot of things... I just miss you so much and I'm so sorry for even just saying that but it's the truth. And honestly this whole realization that you graduate this year is slowly killing me. I'm just not ready to lose you, even with all of the things you did to me. I still want you back. I could so easily forgive you in just a simple matter of seconds for breaking my heart so badly. I just wish everything could still be okay with us. I wish I could look at you without feeling heartbroken and like i just want to cry. I wish I could randomly come up and hug you when I needed it, I wish I could listen to you're favorite bands and songs without that remembrance of you and I in you're van doing stupid ,ridiculous things we should not have done together. But I can't be happy it's all just memories that hurt me more than anything, and in all honesty I would give anything to have it all back to the way it was then. And I know you wish nothing ever would have happened and i'm so sorry i always write about it but I can't let go of you or them memories, and i'm sorry to say this but I love you...