You Are My Sunshine (BoyXBoy)

Not The Way I Planned

finally an update i guess :-; i'm sorry for late update i just have so many things in my mind to think of 😭

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Ian P.O.V

the sounds from my alarm clock woke me up from my beauty sleep . it's not that i'm beautiful or something it just i really like sleeping so why don't name it beauty sleep ? the sounds of birds chirping is the first thing i heard after the alarm clock went off .

it's strange how i woke up without hearing my mom screaming to wake me in the morning . i got up and stretched my muscle . that was a good sleep . i don't really have nightmares recently which is good . i still got them but not too often like urm ..

ohh

before i met my prince charming , Niall .

people might think i'm crazy if they saw me right now . i'm blushing and smiling like crazy by just thinking bout him . what a great way to start a day . decided not to waste time on my imagination and get ready to meet the reality , i got to the bathroom and do my business and take a shower .

after i done with all the things that i need to do , i went downstairs to eat breakfast but what's shocking me is all of my family members is sitting together at the living room like they have a serious discussion . their face is full with disgust and disappointment . what is really happening here ?

"good morning" i said as i stepped into the living room trying my best to light up the situation even though i don't even know what just happened .

"good morning .... son" my father said with a hint of disappointment in his voice while my mom looks like she just finished crying cause her eyes are red and her cheek is wet from tears .

my father asked me to sit by pointing at the sofa .

"son.... someone saw you at the MacDonald holding a guy's hand " my father said to me .

shocked , i try to think of an excuse that i can use to save me . i didn't plan to come out . and guess what ! i never plan to ! i mean who gonna come out to a religious homophobic parents ? it's like asking for dead to come early in a horrific way!

"urmm , i-i-it was just a j-joke ! " i mumbled as soon as it came from my mind , trying my best to make it trustable .

"honey , are you gay?" my mom said with a hints of sadness in his voice our of nowhere making me shocked more than i am . please lord help meee i really don't need all this drama right now . my life just starting to look better !

i decided that there's no point of lying anymore . there's nothing i can do anymore , sooner or later they will find it out themselves . i pray to all the lord out there to help me . i may not be religious but i'm still believe in god .

"yes . i am ...." i took a long pause because it was really hard for me to say it . my breathe choked inside me just to say it in front of my parents . if you ask me is this the way i want them to know ? no of course not !

"gay" i said it . actually more like whisper it cause i barely said it i just mouthed it . but as soon as those word came out from my mouth . my mom broke down and cries . seeing that makes my heart broke and i can't hold the tears that gathered around my eyes anymore . my tears dripped  down my eyes .

dad expression quickly changed from disappointed to angry .

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US ?!? NO SON OF MINE IS GAY !" dad barked out with the most hateful tone ever breaking my heart into million pieces . he looks like we going to get up and punch me or something but luckily my mom who's crying make him stop and try to helps her .

"it's n-not my f-fault dad ! it's not m-my choice to be g-gay !" i said through my tears . i was sobbing so hard . my heart felt like someone just stab the sharpest knife in the world through it .

"YES , ITS YOUR FUCKING CHOICE ! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ? YOURE GOING TO HELL !" he spitted our while holding my mom who is crying more harder now .

"THEN WHAT ?! I DONT CARE IF I GO TO HELL AS LONG AS I GOT HIM I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON EVER DAD ! AND DONT YOU WANT TO SEE ME HAPPY ?" i shouted back to him

"YES , I DO WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY BUT NOT HAPPY IN HELL !" he shouted

"you know what ? FUCK YOU ! the boy that the stranger saw holding my hand is my boyfriend ! he is the one who saved me from the darkness of life ! he showed me the great and happy parts of life that i never knew exist !" i said while hiccups coming out from my mouth .

dad quickly got up and ran to me . he slapped me hard on my face making me fell to the ground with a loud THUMP . i hold my cheek and continue to cry .

"I NEED THIS TO STOP ! YOURE NOT GAY ! YOURE JUST CONFUSE ,YO-YOU JUST NEED SOME SERIOUS HELP ! MAYBE A DOCTOR OR A PSYCHOLOGIST! THIS IS MENTAL ILLNESS AND A SIN !l he spitted our making disgust feelings fill the inside of me .

i decided that there's no point of arguing anymore , i ran upstairs into my room and slammed the door shut . i cried obviously terrified and traumatised from the incident that just happened .

i felt so depressed , i felt like the whole world is trying to kill me . i felt so betrayed by god . how could he do this to me ? this is so unfair !?! my mind told me to calm down and the voices inside me is telling me that it was my fault . if i'm not gay it would not be like this . why am i gay ? i hate myself .

i cried louder and louder over time until i heard a knock on the door. i thought it was my dad or my mom trying to make my life worse by saying that i'm not gay or something until i heard a voice said .

"hello ? Ian ? why are you crying ?" said a small voice shocking me . it took me a while to realised that it was my little sister .  i just kept quite cause i surely don't want to see an annoying kid right now . she keeps knocking and knocking.

"i know you in there Iannnnnn open the door !" she shouted stomping her feet .

"shut up !" i screamed

"come onnnn " she said annoyingly . i decided to just open the door and ask her what the f*ck she wants . i opened the door and her face changed from annoying to sympathy .

"what" i said trying my best to hide my emotions . but i guess she could see my bloodshot eyes and the tears that still running down my cheek . fuck i should've swiped that off or something .

she ran inside to me and hugged me

"what happens" she said with the most cutest voice she could do .

"nothing" i said

"don't lie to me big brother i know when you're not okay" she said with a glare to my face making me chuckle a little.

"noo im really okay , it was just a misunderstood with dad . that's all sis" i said and then pinched her cheek . she pout like a three years old kid even thought she's five .

"do you want to play with me" she said and then do her usual puppy eyes to make me play with her .

"sorry but your big brother needs something to do  " i said while tapping my finger on my chin while making like thinking expression .

"what about later ? after i finish" i said with a smile . her face scrunched and then she mouthed "you always said that bla bla bla"

"noooo , this time , i promise !" i said while showing my pinky to her to show her that i'm promise . she connected her pinky with mine and said

"pinky promise ?"

"pinky promise" i said back and then smiled . she ran like a little kid who just got a lollipop back to her room with a smile

"kids" i muttered and then slammed the door close .

one thing done and one thing to take care off . sighing , i just lay down on my bed . should i tell Niall or not ?

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That was scary , that's actually the way i imagined my come out gonna be like 😂 , noww i hope this not so long chapter is good enough to for you guys :)) thanks for reading xoxo ! ♥

QOTD : should Ian tell Niall ?