Love Stories

Chapter Twenty

It couldn't be happening. She'd told herself she'd never love again, and no one would love her. But when she woke up the next morning it hit her afresh. Derian said he was in love with her, but he couldn't be. He couldn't really be. Everything he'd said flooded her mind and she was afraid of things he might continue to say. Love or pretended love could make a person say things they didn't mean, think they feel things they didn't actually feel.

                        Leah didn't want to be hurt again and she didn't want to hurt someone. She liked Derian as a brother, he was good and kind to her even for his confusing sides, but she could never love him. He was the crown prince, he would be king someday and she certainly was no queen. He would do better with someone else, someone who could love him and help him rule a country. He'd realize it soon enough, Leah told herself. Despite all the things he had said the night before, he would change his mind. He had to.

                        But days went by and he never came to her, to tell her how crazy he'd been to say those things, to tell her he didn't mean any of it. Instead, when he saw her, he only seemed to wait for things she might say. If he was looking for encouragement, he would look for a very, very long time. Leah was sure of it.

                        Meanwhile other life continued. It had to, drag on the same. But of course, there was the excitement now of another marriage. In Runderin it was tradition for the newly weds to invite as many people as they could to see their new home. Family could come on this day, friends could come on this day, mixes of both could come there and that. It was considered a sign for a good future, the better the sooner their home was put in order and guests visited. Leah joined Aisley and Arlette in helping Bethan put things in their places. They had been given a large house near Brun's and the wedding had brought in very many gifts. Leah was glad to feel nothing at all about the occasion. Good for Torr and good for Bethan. It didn't concern her more personal emotions anymore.

                        The days did indeed drag on after that. She did pay a visit to Hegela that proved to be amusing, at the least. As for the theatre, Leah knew she wasn't exactly interested. Erian had a style of his own. He was a musician and gifted, but his artsy ways were beyond some, including herself. His friends weren't people she got along with very easily. It was an area where Erian differed from his brothers. It wasn't that they were aloof, but there certainly were places even the royalty of Runderin couldn't fit in, and didn't belong. Surprisingly perhaps it was the position just beneath them, the children of the lords. They pursued whatever they liked and no one tried to dissuade them. It created a few barriers.

                        Arlette was happy to discuss the subject. She classifed them rather easily. The stupid ones, the more stupid ones, and the very most stupid ones. After that Leah was rather convinced she didn't need to go there, if for no other reason that Arlette would disown her. It was a perfectly acceptable excuse and everyone could still be happy all around. No one to disappoint because she hadn't begun. A lovely way to work.

                        But that thinking could only lead her back to Derian. She could truly hurt him here, if he continued believing he loved her. She just didn't know how to gently convince him he didn't and she wasn't going to bring it up with him. Her hope was that he would just forget it and it would be over with.

                        Winter was coming and Leah couldn't lose her last chances to be out when the weather was still nice, even if she was afraid Derian could corner her like he had before. The stable was very secluded, so she liked to spend time there with the horses. She had grown attatched to a young mare and let herself into her stall with a comb for her mane. A few moment's later she heard Aisley's voice and then Derian's. Leah's head snapped up and she quickly made her way to the other side of the mare, clucking and turning her so that she would hide Leah's face from anyone in the aisle. It was some discussion about the school they dreamed about. An argument, actually. Aisley got upset about something and stormed off. Derian yelled after her before he kicked the stall's door, making the mare turn around.