I'm honestly lost here y'all. What am I gonna do? Because acting fine and okay isn't enough now. I'm exhausted from hiding how this is affecting me but I don't want my family to know that I'm taking this worse than it seems. I'm seeing so many different doctors and most seem like this sickness is a new medical adventure and that there isn't a human being involved. Like hello i'm human and i have emotions.. I'm scared out of my mind. This isn't fixable and i'm developing new symptoms as it progresses and i hate it. I just wanna be normal like my friends, like my family. And i can't ever be normal because you can't fix a broken brain and i hate it. I don't want this. I don't want to miss school to go to depressing appointments every week. I don't wanna walk across that stage in May knowing I almost didn't get to because i'm missing so much school. I don't wanna be sick. I don't want to take these meds that only help with the migraines. I don't wanna take the seizure meds because i developed them. I don't wanna miss my last year of high school with my friends. I don't wanna be different. i don't. Because now i don't know what i'm supposed to do now. I have this for life and i'm 18. My life hasn't started yet and already it's stopped before i even made it out of high school. i have to learn a new lifestyle. No more having soda whenever i want. No more being who i am. When i look in the mirror i see the girl who broke in the er weeks ago. I don't see me. I see a ghost. And i'm okay with it, because i'm not me anymore.
