Every second of every day, I have always felt different. Like something about this world was, different, not what it turns out to be. Am I weird because of this? No of course not. ‘You're just completely insane!’ my inner voice tells me.
I walk down the wet sidewalk to my house. My neighbourhood is quiet. It usually isn't in the spring. There are usually kids riding bikes and elder folk taking walks with their dogs, some teenagers carrying pizza from the corner store and kids, most likely from my class walking home from school, like me. But no. Not today. The sky is dark with rain clouds and water droplets fall in a slant from the cool breeze blowing. My hoodie isn't doing the job of keeping my hair dry and my faded jeans stick to my damp skin.
I look to my left and see a white cat crossing the street. I hiss at it but it does nothing, so i bend down and pick up a stone, i throw it in front of the cat. The animal jumps back and sends out a cross between a hiss and a more. I am still smiling when i reach my house. The bricks are wet and the garden is intended to. It has been, ever since Alex died, two years ago. I used to help him plant pink carnations, and white roses. Our two favourite flowers. My mother always was trying to get us to spend time together, but what would a 12 and 16 year old want to do? I shake the thoughts out of my head and open the deep red door to our house.
My mother is sitting at the table on her laptop with a blank look on her face.
“Hey mom!” I say, she looks up and smiles.
“Hi darling, how was your day at school?” she asks the tipical North American 'mom' question.
“normal,” I start “we had to start debate today and absolutely love the whole idea of an organized fight. I mean some people are shy about it and I get that everyone is different, but i feel like I might actually be good at this, and at least like it!”
See somethings I am good at but i usually don't like it, and that goes for the opposite too, I like the things I am not good at. Such as all sports, singing, and drawing. But those are three out of four trillion examples.
***********************************
In my room I chose my outfit for tomorrow. Ya I know tacky right! But I don’t have time tomorrow morning, we are going on a field trip to the history museum. I try on four outfits until I find the right one. A pair of ripped jean capris, and a plaid flannel blue button up to go over a greyish blue shit with a single flower on it. Not too dressy and not too plain.
I look at myself in the mirror. I often criticize myself when I see my image.
My brownish red hair is frizzy so it it a little lower than shoulder length, my body is okay except for my thighs which are a little too big then I would like, my green eyes are dull and my face is round. and don’t even get me started on my eyebrows, or my pimples. I only have two big ones right on my nose.
I walk away unable to bear the image of my own reflection and change into a white tank and grey sweats. I lay on my bed and stare at the time.
1: 18am , 1:18am , 1:18am , 1:18am
I read the clock over and over again, Until finally my eyes drift off to sleep.
