I Hate You Adam Gainsburg / a novel

part one | the falling out

If you look up the phrase 'green-eyed monster' you're sure to hear about how it's jealousy personified, but that's just not the truth. Green-Eyed Monster is better suited to refer to a boy named Adam Gainsburg. When I see Adam Gainsburg, I see hatred. I see dark under-eye circles that maim his 'teen idol' look. I see jeans with holes in them, revealing two knobby knees. I see freckles that get darker in the summertime, scruffy sandy blond hair that falls in waves over his eyebrows, sheered short on the sides. I see sickeningly blue eyes that stand out too strongly on his face.

I remember him for his mistakes, the things that made me go from loving him to hating him in a single night. The summer I turned thirteen was the summer it all changed. A girl we were all friends, me, Adam, and Adam's cousin Basil, was turning thirteen and decided to have a pool party. Nicolette, Basil's mother, took me out the day before and bought me the cutest swimsuit possible. It was the summer I graduated from tankini to bandeau top. I wanted Adam to notice me.

For me, it was the single biggest step I was taking, and I felt good about it. Even Basil had said 'I didn't look ugly for a change'. The day of the party came and she dropped the three of us off, and that was the moment it all changed. For the first time in our lives, Basil and I came to understand the things that would change when we got to high school. 

No one was on even playing ground anymore. Adam abandoned us almost instantly, and we realized how much he changed. 

I sat by myself, too nervous to talk to anyone while Basil was in the pool. He'd met with a few of his friends and they were just playing around. When Basil got out, Adam ran over and yanked his swim trunks down in front his crush. Everyone laughed while Basil looked around in mortification. I was in shock, unable to believe that Adam, the boy I loved, my first real crush, had done something so terrible and humiliating. 

But it didn't stop there.

When I shoved him, Adam announced loudly that I was just mad he hadn't chosen me, that I was flat-chested and not anywhere near as pretty as Serah. I couldn't help it - I broke down crying in front of everyone. Eventually, Basil and I managed to convince Serah's parents to let us use the phone. We called Nicolette, and she picked us up. 

Adam stayed the night at one of his new friend's houses that night. Not that either of us cared. Half-past eight, Nicolette forced us to come out of our rooms and tell her what happened. Basil went off, cursing and throwing every dirty word he knew at Adam before recounting what had happened to me, while I sat silently, tears streaming down my cheeks. 

By the time he finished, Basil's face was red with anger and he was gripping the table is hard his knuckles were turning white. Nicolette's face had contorted in anguish. 

"My kids!" She cried, throwing her arms around both of us.

Except, I wasn't a Gainsburg. I wasn't her daughter, but I didn't move away from her. I felt Basil's arm glide over my back, and I put mine over him, joined in a group hug. She called Adam an asshole, making us promise not to tell. We agreed through our giggles. After that, we made a mattress out of blankets on the living room floor, while Nicolette constructed a fort.

While we swore that thirteen was too old for forts, Nicolette begged us to pretend we were kids just for another night. We complied. Underneath that fort, we dissed Adam to Nicolette as she listened, detailing the increasingly infuriating things he'd done to us, that we'd overlooked in our desperation to hold onto the old Adam. At 5 AM, we fell asleep, and Nicolette made pancakes when we woke up. Basil's had chocolate chips and mine had peanut butter slathered over the top.

Basil's hatred grew openly after that day. For a week after the party, I cried quietly in my bedroom, only visited by Nicolette when she brought me food and took the dishes away. On the seventh day of my sulking, Basil came to my door. He didn't knock, only entered before telling me to stop being so pathetic. After that, he convinced Nicolette to take us to my favorite Chinese buffet and then to the movies. 

Before then, I was sure that Basil hated me. He was never the sweet one. Before Adam had become an asshole, he was the sweetest, nicest boy in Hesper. That summer, their personalities switched. Suddenly, Basil was the nicest and Adam was the worst. That was the summer I became friends with Basil and swore my hatred for Adam Gainsburg was eternal. 

But like most things that I swore that summer, my hatred fell apart too.