I woke up with a huge headache. I think i'm still a bit hungover from all the drinking i did last night. I drink alone in my room each night, just to ease the pain for a few hours, it really helps me. But no one can now about this sort of self-destructive behaviour. Im Lydia Martin and Lydia Martin does NOT do things like that. She has a smile on her face all the time, even though it's fake, and makeup to cover any flaws. I get up and walk to my vanity to do my usual makeup routine, concealer under my eyes to cover up how much i cried and lipstick to draw all the attention to my lips. I do the rest of my routine in silence, then go downstairs to get some breakfast i won't eat. I grab an apple and some yogurt from the fridge, then sit and stare at them blankly. I don't starve myself, because Lydia Martin would never do that, i just don't like breakfast, but i have the food out so my mom doesn't question me. I stare down at my floral dress and nude pumps, wondering how i even chose the outifit, i barely remember using the bathroom. I guess fashion is just wired into me. I get off the bar stool in my kitchen, grab my car keys and run out to my car. I drive myself to school in complete silence. When i arrive at school I don't make any effort to move. Its early still and i don't want to run into anyone. I read my textbook, listen to some music and think. I try to avoid thinking about her but sometimes it just happens without me knowing. I get a flash of her with that stab wound in her stomach lying in Scott's arms and I almost lose it. I can feel the tears start to build up but I hold them in because i'm staying strong for everyone. I just ride out the memories of her until they fade away again. I really want to cry but it's not an option so I blink until my eyes are clear. I see Stiles and Scott across the parking lot so I jump out of my car and run to them. They are just getting out of Stiles's dusty beat-up jeep and I laugh a little bit as I see Stiles trip as he runs up to greet me. Stiles is sweet, really, but I dont think he's my type. I run up to him and punch his shoulder lightly, then hug him and then Scott. We all stayed home for a few days for Allison's memorial and just to mourn in the privacy of our own homes. They talk to me about useless things like Malia joining school and Kira not being the new kid at last as we walk to the front doors. I pretend to care for their sakes but it's so hard to do. I know that they are just trying to avoid the topic that's on everybody's minds: her death. I try not to say her name but sometimes it slips out. Allison. Allison Argent. Such a beautiful name. So perfect with that French last name. I used to love saying her name, but not anymore. I was thinking about her name to myself as we walked so I didn't notice that we were on the steps already and i tripped. Before i could fall down the concrete steps, someone caught me. I was about to thank Scott for his lightening quick reflexes when I realized that it wasn't him. It was Stiles, staring down into my eyes looking worried and protective.
