Secret Desires

Secret Desires -chap 1

Check out a new book im working on...really looking forward to your thoughts.

1

"We went at it again last night. He just doesn't seem to understand me and I don't know why. I mean, what else can I do to make it clear? I've loved him more than anyone before him. I've tried everything I know to do. Maybe Jerald was right, and this isn't what I think it is," I rambled on to my bestie Keisha, while we sat at a sidewalk café having our weekly lunch date.

"First of all, you know good and damn well that you two make a great couple. And, secondly when in the hell did you start taking advice from the likes of Jerald?" She asks me, eyeballing me over the top of her huge dark sun shades.

"I mean, I just asked him. I wanted to get a males perspective."

"Hmm hmm. So you ask the guy you have the hot's for?"

"I don't have the hot's for that baby!" I reply to her defensively. She knows I'm lying though. If I was some other chick, I definitely would let him get a taste. Okay he's no L.L. or Shemar Moore, but there is just something about him that attracts me to him.

"Look at your ass, day dreaming 'bout that baby right now, ain't ya?!"

I couldn't deny it and I didn't try to either. I nod coyly and we both share in a laugh that I truly need at that moment.

"Seriously sis, what are you going to do?"

"About Jerald?"

"No girl. Come now. Trust, I know you are not going to do anything with that boy. I'm talking about you and Walter. What are you going to do? You used to be so happy. You seemed to glow. Lately, it's like the fire between the two of you barely has an amber left."

"You hit the nail on the head right there. Problem is, I don't know what else I can do to fix it. It seems the more I try, the more things fall apart."

Keisha reaches her had across the table and grips mine tightly, "You know I'm here for you, right? No matter what you decide to do, I got your back."

I nod again, this time solemnly. Keisha is the closest thing to a sister I have. She knows me at times better than I know myself. But, no one has answers for me when it comes to Walter and I. The tension between us is building a huge wedge that neither of us can figure out how to get rid of. The longer we go on, the more things continue on their downhill spiral. Bad thing is, that Walter truly is the man I thought I prayed for. At the same time, we have some serious differences. It's those differences that threaten to tear all we once were apart.

"Is he still working with Mercedes?"

I nodded.

"What?!" She damn near spit out her drink on the table at that revelation. I couldn't believe it either. But yup, my husband was still working up close and personal with the woman he had a six month hot, heated, sexual affair with. He claimed he had no choice. He couldn't let her go, simply because he slept with her and was caught in the act, she could sue him. Served his ass right, I thought. He should have kept his damn dick in his damn pants! "You're a better woman than me KiKi. I'd have beat that Bitches ass three ways to Sunday. How can you watch him walk out the house knowing he is going to her?"

"Keisha, what am I going to do? He makes the money! This is why I should have never listened to my mother and been no dam no house wife. Now look at me now, stuck!"

"You are not stuck."

"Oh no."

"No."

"Okay then tell me what do I do? Take my ass and walk away broke, with the clothes on my back and do what? Start over with nothing? No money, no car, no clothes, nowhere to live, no connections, no job? You know Walter would black ball me in the industry here in the city."

"No he wouldn't."

"Keisha, you can't be that naïve. All the modeling gigs I've done, have been with agents he set up. That he approved."

"You can stay with me and Michaela."

"Michaela, works for Walter, I would not want to put her in the middle of my drama. Thank you sis, but I'll figure this out. Maybe we'll work it out."

"By the way. Have you talked to him about... ya know...?" Keisha lowered her head and looked down, "Come on don't make me say it out loud."

"You're such a two-year old. Sex, our sex life, or lack thereof? No, I haven't. How can I feel romantic, and in the mood, when I'm not sure if he still screwing the..."

"...the help?" she finished my thought for me.

"Exactly. I mean I had dreams. I had ambition when we met. But, he wanted a stay at home wife. Now he's out there acting like all I do is chill at home and spend his money!"

"Damn!"

"Exactly."

"I'm sorry sis."

"Forgetaboutit," I tease in my best movie rendition. "Let's just eat."

"You should come out with me and Michaela tonight."

"Like that will ever happen. Besides, I have plans with Walter. It's our anniversary."