Tears are going down my face. What Joan just gave me is so beautiful. I put the necklace around my neck. It's time to board the plane. I find my seat and look out the window. I pretty much look out the window during the entire flight; just collecting my thoughts. 'What am I going to do with my life when I get back home?' is what I think to myself. I actually have no idea. Maybe get a job, or go to a comunity college. Maybe both. We'll see. I'll just have to talk with Jack.
......
The plane has just landed. "Welcome to Los Angeles, California. Enjoy your stay!" I get off the plane and collect my suitcase. It's very crowded and loud here. I feel very drained. Where is Jack? "Tammy!" A voice calls out. I look around to find the voice. It's Jack. He runs up to me and hugs me. I don't say anything. I actually don't know what to say. "You alright?" Jack asks me. I nod my head. Why can I not manage to say anything? "Are you hungry?" Jack asks me. I nod my head again. We leave the airport and drive to a local diner. After I've finished eating, I feel a lot better and I can talk again. "I'm happy to be home" I tell Jack. "Me too" He says. "Did you not like New York anymore?" There are a few moments of silence until I answer him.
"I liked it there. But it wasn't for me anymore." "Or are you running away from someone?" Jack answeres back quickly. "What makes you say that?" I respond. "Joan told me about you and Gary-" I cut Jack off. "Oh my god!" Jack teases me "Tammy's got a boyfriend!" "Shut up Jack. What about you? Don't you have a girlfriend?" Jack's eyes go big. I start laughing. "Ohhhh, Jack's got a girlfriend. Does she have blonde hair and blue eyes? Is she gorgeous?" Jack starts laughing. "Okay but besides New York wasn't for you anymore, why else did you come back?"
Another moment of silence. "I wasn't focusing on myself and my life. Being in New York and Joan and everyone else wasn't helping. So I wanted to go home to focus on myself and have your support." Jack nods his head. "So what do you want to do with your life?" I bite my lip. "That's just it Jack, I have no idea! I want to continue school and get a job, but I don't know what I want to go into for college and I don't know what kind of job I want for the rest of my life."
"Why don't we go home and you can meet Anne- Yes, that's my girlfriend's name. She can help us out with this."
.....
Jack and I went back to his home. I met Anne. She has curly blonde hair and blue eyes. She is very gorgeous. And she is super nice. Jack is very lucky to have her. I told her about not knowing to do with my life. She asked me what it is that I always love to do. I said to listen to music and write, often draw as well. "Do you know Rodney Bingenheimer?" Anne asks me. "Of course I know him. Joan and I would go to the English Disco every weekend. She and Rodney are very good friends!" "Well you know the radio station he works for." "Oh hell yeah" I respond. "Well I have connections. I could help you get to work there with him." "Shit, are you serious? Thank you so much!"
....
A few weeks later, I was working with Rodney at his radio station. We are both DJ's. It's so amazing listening to new music and announcing them to listeners to love it as much as we do. And we talk about awesome shit and talk to some of our listeners. I love it so much! Another great thing is, The Blackhearts are doing well too! They're getting so popular. Joan's album is going to be released soon. And she's comming here to the station to be interviewed by Rodney to talk about the new album. I'm so excited to see her again. The problem is.. Gary...He's going to be here to. Well of course the rest of the band as well. But you know what I mean.
They're all here a couple months later. They walk in the room as Rodney and I are introducing the next song that is about the play on the radio. After that, Rodney greets the band, while I keep my head down. Gary walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I look up and he smiles. "Can we at least be friends?" He asks. I smile and nod. Then I give him a hug. Everyone sits down. The song that was playing stops.
"That was Joan Jett and The Blackhearts with I Love Rock N' Roll. Yes that's right. Joan Jett has formed a new band with Ricky Byrd, Lee Crystal and Gary Ryan, also known as The Blackhearts" I look at Joan. "I've never heard this version before. It's amazing. I remember the one that was recorded with The Sex Pistols." Joan smiles. "Yeah that was before The Blackhearts had formed. Then we decided to record this version as our band." "Oh yeah, that's right" Rodney continues. "We have Joan and The Blackhearts here today, to talk about a new album." "It's quite exciting" I add "Yeah, it' going to be out in a couple of months" Ricky says. "Alright, we are now going to take some phone calls to hear your questions that you have to ask Joan"
....
After all that, Joan comes up to me. "How have you been?" She asks. "Amazing" I answer. Joan smiles. "We all miss you very much." "I know." I say. Joan sighs. "I just want you to know that know matter what happens and whoever we have in our lives, in the end, you will always be mine and I ill always be yours! I love you". Joan hugs and kisses me. She and the boys then walk out of the studio.
If Joan and I could ever get married, then we would. But the thing is, we don't ever want to get married to anyone. And we don't want kids. As much as we love them, we don't want them. We both agree that we would be terrible parents. She is right, no matter what happens and no matter who we have in our lives, we will still be eachother's. I am happy with my life now, doing what I do and I love it. Joan is happy with her life too. Doing what she does and she loves it. Enough said!
