A Golden Locket

Peter- A Small Hesitation

I was surprised when art ended with no further confrontation, not that it wouldn’t have to happen sooner or later. Who knows, maybe this class is a chance for Christiana to judge me based on her own accord, and not that of Alice.

I couldn’t help but wonder how Chris’s talent would turn out. From what I saw today, she was good. She had a steady hand that seemed to produce perfect curves, and even lines. Art was something I never could have seen her doing. It takes too much focus, too much time.

Everyone knew Christiana wasn’t the brightest color in the pallet. She was the perfect representation of a dumb blonde, just without the blonde. She had the perfect body, but the most inadequate brain. Put a graphite pencil in her hand though, and she seemed like a genius.

The lunchroom was a bustle of lasagna and something that I’m not even sure could be considered food. THIS would be why I bring my own lunch.

I search for Levi, and find him at a circular table, towards the middle of the lunchroom. Sitting down beside him, I see he has chosen the unrecognizable food over the lasagna.

“Dude, Ew.” I make a face at Levi. I couldn’t believe he was actually eating that.

“It’s not too bad.” He says using a spoon to pile the lumpy, colorless substance into his mouth.

Around that time William enters, and I wave him over.

He sits, wearing a look of disgust focused in Levi’s direction.

“What? This looks like something they would eat, in those movies you watch William!” Levi sputters, little bits of… whatever flying out of his mouth as he does so.

“Hey, even the Zorgons wouldn’t eat that shit!”

With that we all fell into a fit of laughter. Caught up with everything that was going on, I didn’t notice Alice walk by our table until I caught her staring at my neck.

My smile fell into a sneer. “Can I help you?”

She seemed to want to just walk away, having a silent debate in her head. With one last look at her table though, her popularity seemed to win. “Yes, you can. You can refrain from addressing me in public. And while you’re at it, you can go ahead and move your table to the other side of the cafeteria. I’m not really interested in hearing you and your little nerd friends discuss the latest comic book. Plus, if I see your friend Levi looking at Christiana’s ass in gym one more time, I’ll make sure that volley ball is spiked at him next time.”

In one swift movement I was out of my chair and so close to Alice I could smell her shampoo. It smelled of strawberries, a smell I so dearly missed these days. Forgetting the strawberries, and along with them the old Alice I leaned into her ear and said in a hushed tone, so only she and I could hear, “I knew you’d changed, but I had no idea that you were a completely different person.”

“Believe it or not; this is who I am. It’s who I always was. Back then, I was so lonely that I had to turn to you, of all people, for company. And I regret it every single day of my life. We were never friends, and we certainly were never going to be anything more. Now back the fuck off. If you so much as look at me funny, I will ruin you.”

I was prepared, but still deeply disappointed. Every sense of the Alice I once knew was gone. There was no going back. I may have been the one to set off the initial explosion, but she had stocked up on dynamite, and it had just lit up. I was speechless. “See you in Chemistry.” Was all I could manage.

I turned back to my friends, but not before I saw William and Dorian exchanged a glance. For some reason this pissed me off even more. First he was defending them, but now he was having secret telepathic conversations with the prick? I was fed up. I grabbed my lunch sack and headed towards the other side of the lunchroom.

I gave my lunch to William, suddenly I wasn’t so hungry.

I ran the scenario over, and over in my head. I was trying to find something, anything that gave a hint that there was any little part of the old Alice in there. There had to be something, a hint of regret, a minor hesitation, nothing. I found nothing.

Where was she, where had she gone? The Alice I used to know didn’t care. She didn’t care what she looked like, or what others thought. She wore her hair up all the time, and never, NEVER wore makeup. I guess what they say is right, high school really does change people.

And what was going on between William and Dorian? Was there some secret friendship that had wedged its way between me and William? It was hard to believe he would keep something so significant from me.

Was she hiding something? What was she thinking in that tiny moment where she seemed to hesitate? It was so small, so unnoticeable, that if I wasn’t paying close attention I would have missed it. It was almost as if she were waging a small battle inside, but eventually the part that wanted the popularity; the part that needs to be noticed had won.

But the question is still there, what had she wanted to say. Was there regret, or compassion hidden behind that small silence? Maybe I’m over thinking it. She could have meant absolutely nothing, just using that time to think of the best come back. I couldn’t put these thoughts out of my mind.

The rest of our lunch period I sat there, staring off into who knows where, thinking. By the time lunch was done, I had exhausted all possible regretful or compassionate routes. And had found nothing.