The System

Chapter 3

It was dark outside, which was fitting, because I felt like my life had turned for the worse, and I liked the visual representation. I was sitting at the table in Sharon's kitchen, it had just turned 1 in the afternoon. I was nursing a cup of coffee, which had long since gone cold. Sharon had given up trying to stay still and was now standing. The appearance of the strong, forceful version Emily had long since disappeared and in her place was the dull and slightly dim Emily that Sharon knew. If I didn't know any better, I'd guess that Sharon was disappointed.

My mind was a blurry mess. To be honest, I could have used a shot of alcohol because the shock of what Sharon had said was wreaking havoc with my mind. Each time I tried to speak, I failed. I knew what Sharon must be thinking: I was going to tell the authorities. But she was wrong. I was caught in a terrible place, desperate to know more, yet terrified of what would happen.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen next - there were two distinct possibilities. Either the strong Emily - which Sharon didn't actually know was the real me - was going to come back and I was going to demand answers; or the dim Emily was going to reign supreme and I was never going to speak of this unfortunate incident again. Either way, I knew that Sharon had fucked up monumentally. Sharon had explained to me what Harry had told her: you tell no one. No one. Not even your diary. And now she'd gone and told someone she barely knew.

I was beginning to see a brighter side to this whole thing, however: had I not just been contemplating that fact that my life was horribly dull and everything seemed wrong? What if there was a chance, not a large chance, but still a chance that I could escape? I could get out of Eriton and find out what life outside is like. I could get rid of Ben and his awfully irritating habits. I could be free.

"I want in." I stated, turning to look at Sharon, and shocking myself. I was sure, more than sure. I had never wanted anything in my life - what I had, I had for survival. But this was pulling at my. I was determined for the first time in my life; I was going to get out.

Sharon had other ideas. She simply raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to one side. "Really? You want in? I'm sorry to break this to you Emily but there are a hundred reasons why that is a bad idea."

I didn't respond. I simply leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, never taking my eyes off of Sharon.

"Ok, firstly, you're unreliable. I've never seen you even stand up for yourself besides just now. People think you're weak and boring, how would I possibly convince the group that you're ready for such a dangerous task. And I don't mean dangerous for you. If you fuck up then it's all of us who will be facing the system!"

"Exactly! People think I'm weak and uninteresting, which makes me perfect, because who would think that I was hiding anything? Who would possibly take the time to look into my life and risk dying of boredom? As for the messing up part, there's as much chance that you'll mess up as I will!"

Sharon stopped. I was right. I was entirely correct. No one would suspect me because I was such an obedient citizen, just as no one suspected Sharon as she was so high up in the system - people respected Oliver and trusted his choice of partner. Harry on the other hand would be the prime suspect for a rebel - he never attended social gatherings, I'd never even met him. There could only have been a handful of people who could claim to know his name seeing as no one had ever mentioned him.

But Sharon still thought that I couldn't be trusted.  "You can't act. I doubt you could even lie convincingly. This pure, nice girl that you present is all that there is, Emily. You'll give us away far too easily."

I let out a burst of laughter.

"Are you kidding? For the past five years I have had you convinced that I am some timid child that's living in her own little oblivion, ignorant to the crappy world that we're living in. Now you know I'm not, that it's all a bluff to avoid attention, and you're saying I can't act?"

Again, I had her. Sharon was surprised by the complexity of me, but, if she was as smart as she thought she was, she couldn't be completely convinced. I wouldn't have been convinced by this short a conversation. I had been a nobody, an entirely nothing special girl - I was completely average in every way. My hair was nice but nothing special; I had features that wouldn't hinder or help me in life; and my home-life was that of every couple:  Benjamin and I were together, not the happiest couple, not a cute couple, just a couple. Just another partnership in a town full of partnerships. But this spark that I had shown; this sudden fierceness and determination shone through my eyes like nothing had ever mattered to me before in my life.

However, Sharon had one more obstacle.

"And what about Benjamin?" She asked, positive that she had finally gotten me.

I knew that to everyone they seemed like a couple, but that impression was my greatest act. "What about Ben?"

"Are you just going to leave him behind, hide all of this from him?"

I paused for a moment, but I already knew my answer. I smiled coldly, causing Sharon to narrow her eyes at me.

"For all I care, Benjamin can die in this hell hole. But he's not taking me down with him."