Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he
does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both
quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, I'm so sorry,
but if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me.' Without batting an eye, she replies, 'If your
thing is as hard as your elbow, I'll be in room 221.'
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Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband
starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and
says 'Sorry honey, I've got a gynocologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband feels rejected and turns over. A few minutes
later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you
have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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Runner-Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there
for many years when he came home one day to confess to
his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to
stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he
should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he was
too embarrassed and he vowed to overcome the compulsion
on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could
see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong,
she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My
God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what
happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.'
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Winner:
The old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting
at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think,
fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as
a jaybird, too .' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the
table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and
the other is in your oatmeal.'
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