Thicker than Water

Chapter Twenty Six

WARNING:  Rated R.  Don't have a fit once you read this and say I didn't warn you.

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If Haden hadn't tried to save me, he'd be alive, I thought as I sat in his room in the corner.  I had resorted to shrinking away from the world, from everything.  I was cowering away from the light like a bug.  Everything seemed to be out to deputy everything I had.  It hurt still.  Victor had only soothed my pain temporarily.  But once I had been accused again, I went further into hell.  Most people knew I was to blame for Harrison's death, but that didn't even remotely bother me.  I was fine with that bastard being dead.  But I couldn't accept the fact that Haden was dead because of me, not quite.

He can't be, I thought again as tears swelled.  I wanted to believe that at any given moment, he would wake up.  I wanted to believe he would wake up and sweep me away from this hell to some far off place.

But that was a fool's dream.

I looked at his body again and tears sprung to my eyes.  He wore a completely black suit with a single white rose in the chest pocket and looked like he was just sleeping.  I wiped my face and got to my feet.  His bed was large and they had simply lied him in the middle if it.  I looked down at him, feeling the agony eat away at my heart.  It was late at night, maybe early in the morning.  I hadn't even slept in the past two days of being home, but I was too distraught to even try to sleep. 

I stripped off the black sweater and slacks down to my tank-top and underwear then slid under the thin sheet next to him.  It was stupid and weird, but I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin lying next to him for the last time.  I laid my head on his shoulder and allowed myself to cry.

"I'm so so sorry," I said, unable to really control my breathing through my sobbing.  I hadn't planned on turning into one of those depressed teenage girls after a break up, but this had completely shattered my world.  My entire world had fallen apart right before me.  And I did nothing to stop it.  I laid there heartbroken as I sobbed into his cold body. 

"You're an idiot!  Fool!  You should not have saved me," I said loudly, not caring if anyone heard me.  "What were you thinking?  Getting yourself killed and leaving me here alone?  Selfish bastard."

I sat up and leaned over him.  "You should have let me go," I said in a lower much calmer voice, then brought my lips to his.  He was like ice and it only made the tears come more.  I laid on top of his body and tried to get myself under control.  But I couldn't bring myself to stop crying. 

I nestled my face into his chest and remembered him holding me tightly against him.  I'd give anything for that again.  I'd give anything to hear his voice.  I wanted to go back to just laying with him.  I wanted to just have him back.

Eventually, I let myself drift into the memories until it became a dream.  We were back in the empty reservoir with the fake stars and he was laying with me on top of him as he ran gentle fingers through my hair.  His scent enveloped me and I sighed in contentment.   I actually felt at peace again.

His gentle touch and never ending eyes pulled me in again.  His black hair was out of his face, letting me see his scars as well as his features.  I gently brushed my finger tips across his eyebrows, then his cheek, then finally his lips.  He sighed and kissed them lightly.  "Rogue," he said to me and I beamed at him.  I looked at his sweet face and he pecked my lips.  "Don't be mad at me," he whispered to me.

I offered a smile and said sadly, "You said you wouldn't leave me.  You said you would protect me, but I didn't want you to die.  You left me behind, Haden.  You broke your promise."  I could feel tears rising again.  He shushed me and wiped them away, his warm touch sending chills down my spine.  He grinned, but it was pained.  "I don't want you to leave me, Haden,"  I begged him.  "Please, don't go."