Andrew: omg you responded
Andrew: I thought you'll never talk to me again
Andrew: wait, you are into me too?
Me: yes... I guess you just said it because, you wanted me to text back... I'm such a dumbass
Andrew: yes, you are a dumbass if you think I don't love you
My heart stopped, and I got this feeling in my whole body. The one you can't describe. Was it the happiness? Is this, how it feels? Everyone says that, as a teenager, you don't know what love is. But it felt like it, I've never felt this before.
We've met a couple of times. Went back to the cinema, „where it all began", for a walk in the city at night,(but of course, my bigger sister had to come with us, because „we are only 13 years old", as my mother said.) But it wasn't like, all of the girls at my age imagined it. Like kissing, me sitting on his lap, sleeping together, and shit. No. We never said, we were dating, or we were a couple. Just hang out together, laugh together, sometimes hold each other's hand, when we weren't too shy. It was just different.
But one day, this all ended.
Once I got home from training, as usual, I texted him.
Me: just got home, soo tired 19:45
Andrew: Seen at 19:50
„He is probably busy..." I said, as I was changing.
Me: What are you doing? 19:52
Weird. He isn't even online anymore. Whatever, I guess he'll text tomorrow..
But he didn't. After six month of this „relationship" or „friendship but we are into each other" –thing, was just over. I've tried to reach him, but he wouldn't text me as normal, only things like; Sorry I'm busy, gotta learn a lot; my mom has forbidden me from the computer. I mean, he could have just told me he didn't want to be friends (or whatever ) with me anymore.
I actually went crazy.
I'd stalk all of his social medias, or even ask his friends how he is, what he does. I'd cry myself to sleep, wake up and think about him. My grades were shitty, my family didn't know why I was so depressed, and sad, all the time.
I did the most stupid, and shameful thing, to myself.
I've seen it all around tumblr. One of my classmates actually didi it, and showed me hers, and told me, it did become better. Stupid bitch. I was like, why not. If she did it, and her sadness, did go away, why not give it a try?
So I hurt myself.
WHAT THE HELL I AM UPDATING?
lol
