Dranias

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I came home after a day out with Mike and found both my parents sitting on the round dinner table as I passed through the main hallway. I was shocked because it’s been ages since I’ve seen them sitting down like a normal couple would. I asked what was happening.

“I have great news for you! I just got an offer for a raise and will be stationed somewhere far north.”

“What do you mean, mum?”

“It means we’re moving again. We’ll be moving in 3 months.”

I tried to hold down my tears and swallowed to release some tension.

“But we just got here. Everything has been going fine for me. For once in my life,

I finally feel at home.”

Her expression changed, “But, honey–“

I couldn’t help but to head straight to my room and lock myself in it. I pressed my face onto the pillow and screamed. Tears formed as my heart felt like its dying. Why must life be so hard for me?

It felt like everything good that had been happening, disappeared in an instant. The bright sunny day turned dark and cold. I wish I could stay but I was still tied with my parents. I breathed deeply to ease my aching heart. Just then, a text message popped on the screen of my iPhone. It was Mike.

                “I miss you. I can’t wait to see you… Whenever that is.”

I ignored him because my heart couldn’t help but to feel guilty for him. For me. How pathetic am I? Hoping to get a slight taste of how normal teenagers live their lives. I should’ve distant myself from everyone. Why must I get attached? It hurts like hell. A second alert came.

                “Are you okay?”

I ignored it. I was tired after a long day. I cried myself to sleep hoping that it would ease up the pain welled up in my heart. A dark room, a dark and aching soul, fit perfectly together. I couldn’t help but to think of what would happen between him and me. I shut down my thoughts and put it to rest.

…………………………..

I was at the beach. I could feel the warmth of the sun taking the sorrow of my soul away. The salty air of the ocean filled my lungs and I breathed in deeply. I felt someone’s hand in mine. I glanced to my right and saw Mike. He flashed me a smile and pulled my body to his. He hugged me so tight it felt good. He was the one and only person who could make me feel complete. I pulled away in guilt as I remembered what happened. He glanced at me, eyebrows furrowed. That smile faded into a frown. He let go of me and started heading to the sea. I tried to scream don’t go there but nothing but air came out of my mouth. I followed him. I tried to stop him from going any deeper. My feet slipped and all I saw was murky water. I couldn’t feel the sand under my feet. I panicked. I was drowning. I remembered of the problems I would be facing if I live on, by then I stopped. I let the salty water filled my lungs and darkness filled my vision… It felt good. I’m at peace.

I heard a knock on the door. I woke up panting. My heart pounded hard. It was only a dream. I tried to get a hold of myself and headed to the door. It was dad.

                “Are you okay? You seemed to take it hard yesterday.”

                “I’m better now. Can you please, I need space right now.”

                “Alright then..”

Dad closed the door and I cried silently. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I reached for my phone and saw 10 missed calls and almost a dozen text messages from Mike. He was worried. I called him right away to tell him that I was fine and that I left my phone downstairs. Such a lame excuse. I couldn’t just tell him what happened. I couldn’t let him know just yet.

…………………………………

Weekend flew by fast as if everything was on fast forward. I didn’t want it to be. I only have a few months before starting anew again. I blamed my parents for this, for my depression, for my sorrow, for me being the weird kid of the school.

I saw him on his table, he was busy drawing. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what to feel anymore. I tried to hold back my tears. I couldn’t let him see me cry. I knew that I had to put on a happy mask the whole day, that’s hard for me though. Sometimes it’s better to pretend that everything’s fine rather than explaining to them what’s going on. My shoulders slumped, I looked at the floor to avoid any eye contact with anyone. I put my backpack in front of me and sat down. I hugged the backpack to find comfort. To ease this pain in my heart. I pressed my lips onto the top side of my bag and just closed my eyes. Mind empty, I tried my best to avoid my depression from kicking in.

Something dropped in front of me. I opened my eyes and saw a bar of chocolate with a card with a love on top of it. I saw him staring at me, flashing his sweet smile to me. I didn’t reply. His smile turned into a frown. I looked away, towards the window next to me. I saw birds flying ever so freely outside. I wish I could join them. 

Being free from disappointments and false hopes would be nice. It’s impossible when we’re still living though. I wish I could feel peace as I had felt when I dreamed about drowning. Letting myself drift in the silence, the darkness and the peace I’ve been craving for.

The bell rang and I went out of the class straightaway. A hand tugged my shoulder. I stopped. Breathed deep. Turned around and saw Mike with a pleading look of wanting to know what’s wrong. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I burst into tears and hugged him tightly. I needed comfort and this is it. I pressed my head onto his chest and just let everything out. He held me tight and whispered it’s okay, I’m here.

I knew he was eager to know what was wrong but he knew that I didn’t need any what how why questions right now. I love the fact that he understood me. It made me feel at home.