We All know what masks are, right? U'know the ones that has straps and have weird designs that make your face look funny without actually exposing the actual face? Ya those. Well do you know about emotional Masks? No? Well you should, well you should at least know that some of your friends have it. Well time to tell what these type of masks are, they are emotions that you show in public but don't actually feel or an emotion that you want to hide or block up with another emotion. All of us have done it, if you haven't then you will when you're in high school or college because if you show your true colors then you will see people's faces in complete disgust like I did. Of course there are those that are the same like me and it is fine if I show my true feelings and colors, I still have those times where I accidently take my mask off for a second because of what I'm thinking and have to block it up again. To be honest it sucks not being yourself unless you're with some close or understandable friends, and yes people say all the time "Oh just be yourself and everything will be fine!" Complete lies when you see life's so called "Face". I personally block my feelings with humor and my brains but I personally don't find myself being smart or funny in anyway possible until I see people with smiles or awed faces and that keeps me from taking my mask gone because I love seeing people that are enjoying life as it is and it makes me feel, more human more normal, I don't know how to explain it but holy crap does it feel good. I don't know why my brain gives me that feeling, I guess it's good to see a feeling throughout people that I have a somewhat hard time truly expressing.
One of the feelings I have trouble feeling is love and I yet want to know how it feels to truly feel love but that is a hard time because I don't really know how to receive love or give love to any friends except for my family but I'm pretty sure those two types of love feel completely different. The only things I feel toward my friends is care,sympathy and a little bit of protection towards them. I know people that do the same thing as me and it's nice to see that everyone even the brightest people in the world have a dark side and it makes me want to keep that mask on so it will hopefully brighten someone's day and I did exactly that, and I'm still doing it right now. Tis act just became my life, there's no more mask, It's just a switch that controls which feeling goes to which group of people.
Some people that's a bad thing and say to think about myself once and a while and I already have and I regret it every moment I brag or be selfish. So I try my hardest to make my friends laugh or make them feel better even though I may have had the worst day of my life. And that's ok because if I see a laugh or a smile my life feels worth it and it feels like I would die happy with my loved ones surrounding me. Most of the time, I don't make anyone laugh and it sucks to have that sense of dread but I don't really mind it because I'm kinda used to all the bad feelings and if I tried my best then that's what the next day is for. To start a new. If I fail then I would try again. I don't stop until I see that real,wonderful smile or laugh and it will brighten my day. To be honest I don't know why I have this type of mindset where I care for my friends and want to make people laugh but I'm used to it and happy with it and if it changes then... Oh Well! Things change in life and maybe that's a good thing but just know that you are not always alone in every situation.
I hope you enjoyed reading this and I hope you have a great day and/or night!
