I Tell Him

My heart is broken.

It has shattered into millions of miniscule pieces that I may never pick up, I fear for if I try, that they would slice my hand like shattered glass.

The one I care so deeply for, will never feel the same. Another holds their heart, anything but carefully. They break it, again, and again, only to put it together again in their sick design.

What's worse is that... he knows. He knows what they do, he tells me, he cries in my arms before running straight back to theirs.

I have never truly hated my coworker. And I know what hate is, I have felt it all too much for my age, but now as I mull their relationship, I fear that I may have started to detest the person I have known for so long.

I never thought that they would be capable of this.

That was a mistake.

It's horrible. He puts him through so much pressure for perfection. Now that I calm and think, I may have known all along. I just... didn't want to see the truth for once. I hate that I am always the only one who sees.

It hurts.

He cries and begs me to help him. To tell him what to do, and I do, I tell him all the things that should be- no need to be said... but he never listens... he tells me not to make a scene, to not confront them, but I want to. I want to so much but his trust is fragile, and I know that if I were to betray that, I would never regain it.

He just... accepts it.

I have told him all of it. However, for some reason he has gotten it into his heart that no one will love him like he does.

It's worse than just being dependent. He got her when he was weak. He was depressed rather severely and ...had done bad things to himself... I had helped him along with him medication to get him to stop. Somehow, he had taken the credit for that. They were sweet when it started, but I warned them, I told him to be careful with my boi's heart. he didn't listen to me, he got him off his medication, so now all he does is wither in his own self-hatred, he shamed him for being Bi, then made him think that he was the only one that accepted him...

His mind was always fragile, but they took advantage of that.

He knows. He knows, yet he does nothing, begs me to do nothing.

I can't fully explain it but the way he reacts sometimes when I've been trying to tell him... it's bad. He threw a fit when I tried last time, he yelled at me exclaiming that "he knows what he's bloody well doing and that its sick but he loves him and doesn't want to be alone and that i'm just being a really bad friend"

I try, and try, and try, and try! Again, and again, over and over! Nothing! from everything that I say it makes no change, only drags us further apart.

He's being dragged down the rabbit hole, and my rope is only so long.

I love him.

But he loves a monster.

And there's nothing I can do.

But try.