Chapter 5

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by readermars

by readermars

I'm here in my bed with a blade in my hand.

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock

Its the sound you hear when you're sitting still. When you aren't doing anything except breathing.

You don't hear this sound until you actually stop and listen to it carefully.

I'm this sound.

You won't understand me until you actually make an effort to do so.

No I don't plan on cutting myself today. I've already got enough scars to hide. Infact I stopped cutting myself 3 weeks ago.

I stand up and drop the blade on the table. My messy room has the ability to hide almost everything.

Its time.
I already feel tears growing through my eyes.

Sniff sniff.

I stand beside my bed and let the gravity pull me towards the bed. I cover myself with sheets and cry. I actually don't know why I cry so loudly sometimes. I mean I don't even have a reason to cry. Or do I?

It makes me feel more terrible how much if I start telling people about my problems, how small they may seem.
But my problems are not small.
They're big enough to make a teenager write a suicide note.

Downstairs I hear them fight.

I take a long breath and let the pillows absorb the tears.

______________________________________

Its 1:36 AM.

And we're awake. Mom and I.

Though I'm the Mom right now.

"Mom please." I have a tablet in my hand "Take your meds."

I want to be mad at her but my bungling movements are making things worse.

1
2...

I haven't yet counted till 3 and she grabs the med out of my hand and swallow it in one sip.

"Good. Now go to sleep." I say. My voice is hoarse as I wipe the tears off her cheeks and wrap my arms around her.
"Mom just ignore him."
"Mia that's what I'v been doing these 20 years." her wobbly voice comes.

That's all we can do. I think