Hey out there whoever is reading this well this the first time I am gonna share my experience with you i hope you don't get bored but for sure you may be find it dumb.......... ;p
In the morning I woke up with full excitement filled in me because today we were going to have a photograph training in which we were going to learn how to use professional camera's. To Be honest normally I don't like to go to school, it's like give test and summit your assignments and attended your lecture and done
To Be honest I really don't have friends there is only one friend of mine who i am comfortable with . And with I am a bit kind of conserved and don't get comfortable easily with people when I am in my school dress.
Well yeah it might sound , wired that dressing in a school dress, I really feel uncomfortable. But on the other hand except my school life I am a totally different person
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Today When I reached school I was happy because we were going out away from the school to learn practically about photography.
We all were divided into two groups. And sadly my friend was absent and rest of them were in there own world and they were not welcoming at all.
Afterwards when we reached to our main destination I relaxed myself that finally we reached now at least there will be something interesting that we will be doing.
Everyone was standing hand in hand made me feel like I was in between couples. It was wired for me because they were literally stick to each other like couples, I was looking around the beautiful view infront of me it was fresh and very welcoming
"Ok class let's start" we all were sitting and hearing how a professional camera is used
After that our professor started giving us a chance to observe and click a picture from his camera. It sounded normal to me I already knew what I want to click and I know how to click a photograph not perfectly but I know what to click. And photography is something that I really like espically when I am free
Well let's get direct to the point. Everyone clicked a picture with the manual functioning and when It was my turn. My Dumb fear get a grip on me . I got scared my hands felt numb and even looking inside the camera made my vision blur. I don't know what got inside me when I clicked the screen got blank and I felt again dumb
I got a second chance to click picture with full view when I clicked picture it was blur and over white and as usual I was scolded and made me feel like to cry to hell. But out side I was having bleak expressions, the main reason I was scolded was that everyone expected that I will click something really good because normally in there point of view my assignments of video making or clicking pictures is good and my assignments have never got rejected
"What are you doing don't you understand what I explained" my teacher said arrogantly and very rudely it hurt me a bit and second thing he scolded me publicly infront of everyone made me feel like to bury myself in a grave
In the next shot we were told to click zoom shots and when it was my turn well I clicked the picture on the apparatus setting and my teacher said rudely "done" and I give him the camera with saying a single word
He saw my picture and give me a look
" Your way of clicking is good then why are you not adjusting the other features" he gave me a look and showed everyone what he expected from us to click. Then again he attacked on me with words saying "why are you not able to click pictures"
Well at that time I tried to speak up and I said with a low voice "I am not comfortable with your camera" my dumbest answer ever God I really hate myself for such a dumb answer. I should have said something like it's new for me or whatever but why this
He well back fired on my answer "all cameras are the same" I never said anything I was totally numb my heart was in my mouth I just wanted to go back home and shout to myself bitch why you said that but well I lowered my head my ears were burning and everyone saw my red ears for sure dammit it was my life's worst day
Everyone was busy in there own stuff I was seeing the view observing the objects in front of me thinking about nothing, trying to relax and get myself together
And suddenly a girl come by my side she tried to comfort me but it felt like a Salt on the wound. "She said better luck next time"
Thought in photography. no one was perfect with there clicks but I was scolded more than them.
I was angry that day. I cried alot I felt lonely. I wanted to talk to someone tell that how I felt that day. My dad was on a tour I called him when I said him "hi" I was actually sobbing. He asked me that what happened to me. But I just lied to him that I was having cold and never said a word about my day.
Suddenly all the bad memories started coming back that how I lose my confidence in the school and how I used to get bulled when I was small nearly five to six years old when some students put liquid glitter on my head, then a girl literally with her nails digging inside my skin giving me bruises....
Well then I actually consoled myself because from those days I was a much more better person at least I know know how be strong and not get bullied by someone
Well I am still working on my low confidence when I am in school
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