loving him loving her [bokuto koutarou]

thirteen;

imma back!! sorry for the unplanned hiatus

-

the day of the double date is here.

although (y/n) has been absolutely dreading seeing her best friend and bokuto acting all lovey-dovey in her presence, she has to admit that she is excited to some extent.

they have decided on going bowling, so even if witnessing their relationship is something she would rather avoid, bowling with akaashi, her new friend, is something she is surprisingly looking forward to.

"the boys are here!"

taking a deep breath in order to prepare herself, she pushes away the anxiety threatening to surface. it won't be that bad. you have akaashi.

though, even akaashi can't distract her from bokuto—especially with how loud he is, constantly gaining her attention without even realizing it or trying.

"h-hi, (f-fr-friend's name)!" bokuto quite literally screams at her, stuttering with very red cheeks the moment the door is opened. (y/n)'s heart clenches involuntarily at the sight as she couldn't help but experience an intense feeling of jealousy towards her friend. perhaps, this double date isn't a good idea after all.

"hey, bo," she says with a wave, and (y/n) flinches at the nickname. they haven't even left the house yet, and she is already being effected in such a negative way. god, help me. "shall we go?"

he holds out his arm to her, which she happily holds onto, and (y/n) just stands there, watching their sickeningly sweet interaction with a sad expression.

"it'll be over before you know it, (y/n)-san."

she lifts her longing gaze to her date, akaashi keiji, whose eyes soften the moment her sad ones makes contact. she forces a small smile and nods. "okay, let's go."

the moment they arrive at the car, akaashi, being the gentleman that he is, opens the door for her. she thanks him, and he slides in after her, buckling himself up as bokuto watches from the driver's seat. should i have opened the door for (friend's name)? dammit.

(friend's name) doesn't seem to mind, though, as she claps her hands together, unable to contain her excitement. "ahh! this is gonna be so much fun!"

(y/n) isn't as enthusiastic.

"so, are we gonna get pizza, or...?" (y/n) asks, trying her best to get through the night, which devouring pizza will make it 1000x easier.

"of course!" bokuto exclaims, laughing as he drives. "you can't bowl without pizza!"

the fact it is bokuto who answers her question and not her best friend like she had expected makes her breath hitch. she hates the effect he has on her; she is constantly nervous with butterflies fluttering in her stomach as the simplest of conversations, and it isn't right for her to feel like this.

"have you ever been bowling before, (y/n)-san?" akaashi asks, attempting to ease her nervousness with a question. he sympathizes with her for having to go through such a night with her crush and best friend being ignorant of her feelings.

"(yes/no)," she answers, not taking her gaze away from the window and the passing houses as she speaks. she wants to look anywhere that isn't bokuto and (friend's name), at least until she can accept their relationship. which may never happen, and she feels so incredibly guilty. shouldn't she be happy for her best friend?

"finally! that took forever!" (friend's name) complains the moment they arrive to their destination, and hurries out of the car to the entrance with bokuto rushing behind her.

"boy chases girl, once again," akaashi jokes, watching as bokuto runs to (friend's name), but then realizes what he has said and checks to see (y/n)'s reaction. "oddly, in your situation, it's the girl chasing the boy."

"yeah..." she says and doesn't even bother to hide the longing in her tone. she finds akaashi's presence to be comfortable, and never feels as if he will judge her for her feelings, so she lets them out. "i've decided to stop chasing, though."

"what?" he asks, taken back by her sudden decision. "why would—"

"akaashi! (y/n)! we paid, come on!" (friend's name) calls from the entrance's door, urgently wanting to get the double date started. (y/n) begins to walk away, but akaashi randomly grabs her by the wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"(y/n)-san, i know that you want what's best for (friend's name)-san, but—"

"that's exactly it, akaashi," she says and gives him a forced, hurt smile. "i don't want to hurt her. i have—i have to forget these feelings. for both her and i."

he doesn't say anything; he only stares at her with such a sad expression that she doesn't understand why he is so persistent. why should this matter to him at all?

she tries to lightly remove his hold from her wrist, not wanting to keep her friend and her crush waiting any longer than they already have been, but akaashi continues to hold her. his eyes flicker to beyond (y/n), noticing a familiar figure, and suddenly, an idea popped into his head.

"you shouldn't give up," he says, catching her by surprise. his eyes stay glued to the person behind them, contemplating in his head whether or not he should go through with what he is thinking. "everything could change in an instant."

"what do you me—" he then cut her off by dropping his hand from her wrist and softly cupping her cheeks. the action caught her by surprise, and when he lightly grazes her lips with his thumb, she exclaims, "akaash—!" he ignores her calling of his name and then leans in, pressing his mouth against his thumb, which blocks their lips from fully touching but still gives the illusion of kissing to whoever is watching.

"holy shit."