Steam on the Mirror

The Monster

~~ALEKS POV~~

I couldn't stop looking at him all day. I can't help the way I feel towards him. I can't even act normal around that man. James doesn't know I feel this way... he doesn't know I love him, I have loved him for a long time. I don't think  I can tell him, it's obvious he doesn't feel the same way. Although I catch him looking at me a lot, that doesn't mean anything. You can look at anyone and it won't mean a thing.

But when I find him looking at me, my heart leaps in joy but my face flushes with embarrassment. He always manages to catch me when I'm staring at him. When I look at James, I can't just cast a glance and be done. No. I need to see, to trace every inch of him until my eyes are satisfied, while other parts of me are not. Just looking at him doesn't do my heart or my body any justice. It just makes them want him even more each time.

I feel like James is catching on to me. If he is, he isn't showing it. He's good at hiding a lot of things.

Does this mean there's a possibility he loves you too, but he's just hiding it?

No. This isn't a damn chick-flick. The girl never gets the guy she likes in real life, it just doesn't work like that. So here I am, stuck, dreaming, wishing, hoping, wanting... everything I can't have.

If only he knew the things he does to me. His tanned face and arms make me wonder what the rest of his skin is like. The softness-- how soft his skin looks... I want to touch it, to taste it. His curly hair makes me want to put my hands in it, to tangle myself with him. His beard makes me want to feel it against my skin, not staying in one spot, just scratching and rubbing all over me. The slight bulge in his pants---

No, Aleks, you're going too far. Shit, you're staring again. God, why are you so stupid. Oh no, did he catch you again? Aleks, cross your legs. He might see the problem he caused. You know he wouldn't fix it for you, even though you want him to. Just go and get it over with yourself. Tell him you have to go record some stuff or you have to take a shower or something. It needs to be taken care of, fast.

My head keeps on spewing out commands and I willingly oblige, having no focus whatsoever. My body has been taken over by the monster that is lust, and sadly I need to take care of it myself. Let's hope my voice doesn't get all deep and annoying like it usually does...

~~JAMES POV~~

I turned around and caught Aleks looking at me again. He blushed and turned away, furrowing his brows as he tried to focus on something else, it seems. He glances down and crosses his legs. I didn't bother to look, I already know whats there.

 I want him to turn back, I really do. I like how he always looks at me, and how he looks so cute and flustered when---

James! What the fuck! This is your best friend and you're straight! Snap out of it!

But it's me that causes him to get so aroused! I want to help him! I like him! Hell, its safe to say I even love him!

No you don't! You aren't gay!

I know I'm not gay! I'm bi. And I want Aleks, okay? I want him!

Voices in my head kept arguing back and forth, one whiny and persistent, the other loud and demanding. But it seems the persistent voice has won, for the loud voice has went silent. It's true, I do want Aleks. I do love Aleks. But I keep on trying to fight it, yet to no avail. I can't fight the feelings he causes me to have. Everytime I look over to him, he's looking at me with something hot and dark building up behind his eyes. He sees me, and he snaps back like a stretched rubber band. He blushes and turns away, embarrassed that I had caught him staring. But I always want him to keep staring. I want to go to him, I know he loves me. So what's holding me back?

What's holding me back?

Am I afraid that the guys would judge us for our relationship? Am I afraid something won't go well and our hearts will be broken? Am I afraid that we won't be able to do co-ops or streams for the public? I'm really not sure.

I am very good at putting up walls and hiding things from other people, as I have successfully done with Aleks for about the past year, now. He still doesn't know the affects he has on me, every part of me. When I see his lips and his face, I want to cradle them in my hands and just kiss him. When I see his slender yet defined frame and his tattooed arm, I want to hold him and press my body against his. When I see how tight his skinny jeans are in certain places, I want them off. So many thoughts fling through my mind when I just look at him, but my face still stays relatively indifferent.

"H-hey James." Aleks interrupted my thoughts with his voice. Someone give me strength. His voice took on that deep, raspy tone as it usually does before he has to go "record some stuff" or "take a shower." I want to hear his voice like that all the time. I want to hear that voice say my name again and again. To get what I wanted, I ignored him, pretending not to hear.

"James." Shivers were sent all over me as goosebumps raced up my arms. I took in a shaky breath, regaining my composure and turned to him.

"Yeah?" My walls were about to break just at the sight of him. He had his legs slightly crossed with his hands just hovering over his junk, casually hiding it from view. His eyes flitted from one side of the room to the other, and when they came back to me, he softly bit his perfect pink lips. His cheeks were flushed with a slight pink color, and he couldn't seem to sit still.

"I uh-- I need to go take a nap or somethin'. I don't feel that great." He laughed lightly, nervously. Well, that's a new excuse. I know what he really was about to do, though. So I nodded and told him that I hope he feels better, and he was off. He almost ran out of the room and down the hall, quickly shutting his door behind him. I want to follow him. I want to go help him. I really want to go to his room and shut the door behind me. I want to solve his problem. I want to hear him groan, say my name in that voice of his.

You want this too much! You're going to do it this time. You know just jerking off won't help you out that much, either. You can't hold back anymore! Go!

The strong voice has sided with the whiny voice and is controlling all my thoughts and actions. I slowly rose from my seat and walked out of the door, going into the hall towards Aleks' room. I can't do this! I can't! Not now, it'll have to wait till another time! I was about to turn back around until I heard him through the door.