After months of therapy, Garrett Delko is still struggling to cope with his brother's suicide. The only time he finds peace is on the pitching mound and with a mysterious girl he's been obsessed with since the first week of college. One night, he se...
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"You need to tell Coach," Marcus urged. He sat rigidly on the park bench, occasionally twitching like his whole body was locked in an internal civil war.
Stephan, pacing a few feet away, cut through the air with his arms. "You can't. He could deny the whole thing and who would Coach believe? A newbie or a guy who's been on his team for four years?"
Marcus shook his head. "Coach isn't stupid. When he sees how serious we are, he'll believe. And if he doesn't, we'll get Harmony to tell him the truth."
"I don't think that will work," Arianne piped in. She sat next to Garrett on the grass, her arms behind her and her legs stretched out in front. "It'll be like pulling teeth to get her to talk."
"So then what do we do?" Marcus asked, frustration coating every word. "We can't let Gus get away with this."
"What about Jordan?" Arianne asked. Garrett was momentarily distracted as she wiggled her sandals off and crossed her ankles. Such cute fucking toes. The nails were painted a neon pink with white polka dots. "Isn't he the captain of your team? If you can't go to your coach to fix a problem, shouldn't you be able to go to your leader?"
"He's Gus' roommate," Stephan pointed out. "He'd take Gus' side. Plus, he picks on Garrett all the time. He'd do anything to spite him."
Arianne looked doubtful. "Jordan isn't that petty or small-minded."
Stephan's pace grew quicker as he geared up to argue, but Garrett stepped in. "She's right. We had him all wrong." Garrett filled them in on his talks with Jordan, glossing over the more delicate topics like Arianne.
"Why didn't you tell us this?" Stephan asked. The tension that had plagued their friendship returned in spades.
Garrett plucked blades of grass, rolling them between his fingers as he studiously avoided their gazes. He'd been thinking about this ever since his talk with Jordan, and he realized a couple of things. "It wasn't a conscious decision. In my mind, I built up this image that if I let people in, they'd take the place of my brother."
He allowed Arianne in because he viewed her in a romantic way, so their relationship wasn't a threat to his brother's. His friends, on the other hand, and even his teammates were a completely different story. Their bond could replace what he used to have with Spencer so he'd protected his memories and kept himself apart. Of course, it was categorically untrue, but in his fucked up thought process, it made sense.
"Deep down, I know nothing could replace my relationship with him, but here," he rapped his knuckles against his head, "is a different matter." Arianne squeezed his shoulder in silent understanding. He laid a hand over hers and sent her a grateful smile. "I can't promise that I won't be a selfish ass again because I probably will, but I'm trying."
Life, he was learning, was a process. A person didn't get to the promised land and then live happily ever after. It took continual work, and compromise, and self-evaluating. The guilt he felt over Spencer wasn't going to vanish. It would be something he struggled with for the rest of his life, and that was okay as long as he didn't bury his feelings, so they festered like a wound.
