So I'm completely that person who gets jealous easily. I mean I'll be the one who hates someone prettier than me or skinner or more popular or pretty much anything because I completely suck as a human being. All I'm decent at is school. I've never been to hat friend that gets called first "yo lets go to the movies" or that's a topic of a conversation unless I'm there and we're talking about my self hatred. I've never been that girl that all- any of the guys ever wanted. I never feel like I'm wanted my anyone and I just want to have that one person who cares so much for me but I know it's too much to ask for, so I just bottle it up. I want something that makes me happy in the morning and makes me go to sleep with a smile. I want to be told that I look nice if I do or just nice comments to make my day but I just need to get over it because I know it won't happen. I hate myself because I know I'm not good enough for anyone else out there. So I try eating less and wearing more makeup but I'm still the same person that no one will ever want. So now my room feels like it drains the life out of me and there's no way to perk up. I try and escape how I feel at school because no one there cares and no one would even try getting it out of me. As soon as I get home I realize how expendable I am, they would be fine without me, they don't need me, they could replace me any day but they haven't. So I wonder if they only keep me around because they don't want me to be upset or something but that would mean they care. Maybe they just don't know how to tell me. I don't even know anymore I'm just sad and I thought this would help but it didn't of course and I don't want to make people read this shit and waste their time. GAH
NOW AFTER TELLING SOMEONE.
They just say "I feel the same way every day" there's no way you feel all of that. I thought that's my feelings. She always says that and it bothers me so much! I want someone to actually talk to me about it and care about what I have to say. I'm so thankful for everyone who said stuff to me trying to help but I didn't want to impose on the people who don't really talk to me much. I don't want to be so sad I just don't know what to do anymore because eating no longer cheers me up it just makes me want to force myself to throw up if I eat something I don't need to. I can't help but feel horrible, fat and greasy after eating and I just want to get it off or away from me. I don't even know what to do anymore I just feel so terrible tonight and I don't know how to figure it out.!
