I am Blessed

Chapter 5

Standing there, I could hardly breathe as I removed the folded piece of paper from between the pages of the leather-bound, original copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales. I had just dropped the book while removing it in order to clean the shelf - this week's punishment in the library.

I was in the basement of the library; basement is not really the right word to use here. I guess it was called the basement as it was submerged below ground level – but technically, it was part of the library proper; it was a room from the original house that once sat on this land, and the school had been built out around it to preserve its heritage.

The room itself was a few hundred years old, and the only part of the original building to survive a fire some seventeen years ago.

This was my favourite place in the whole school – and I was one of two people who came here voluntarily – the other being the librarian. The room smelt old and looked just like it belonged on a set of a historical movie. There were rows of old books – classics really, not part of the major collection which was housed on the two floors above this one – and several dark oak desks with green leather tops and the little brass plated, green glass-topped desk lamps that encased the desk in its own personal shower of golden yellow light.

The carpet on the floor was so deep set that you felt like you were walking on cushions; it was a unique blend of maroon, navy and black colours, with art deco motives scattered through it. The book itself barely made a thud when it fell, as the lush carpet muted the sound.

As I bent to pick up the fallen classic – I had noticed the folded paper. It was yellowed, with age – though probably not as old as it looked – still, I took great care as I unfolded it – savouring each moment as I anticipated its contents.

It could be a shopping list for all I knew – but I was hoping beyond all hope that it was much more – something to waste away my evening, dreaming about its author, its reader and why it was in this book – of all things.

It read...

My Dearest B,

I came here today to find you, but you are not here.

I have searched and searched until exhaustion and tears brought me to my knees, where against all odds I remembered our book.

It is here, in our place, even though you were not.

It alone suggests to me, that we were real. That what we had, did exist.

I contemplated taking it, to have just one thing of yours, or ours, to hold onto. Yet in the end, I decided to leave it here for you.

I will leave, as I came, alone, with nothing more than my memories.

It seems but a dream, one from which I am sad to awaken. A crushing blow to my soul, to my heart.

Where are you?

To have over again, I will change anything and everything. I will not fail you. I promise you this much.

To see you again, hold you. I know not how I am supposed to go on now. A life without you seems the worst possible torture.

Where are you?

We shall meet again, and there I shall change everything.

I will fix everything.

If you should not know me when we meet again, know this, that I wish with all my being that your heart knows how deeply I have always loved you. We are not two souls, but one separated long ago. Destined to be together again.

Until then, to have met you.

To have been with you.

To have loved you.

To have been loved by you.

I am blessed.

D

I stood there for what seemed an age. 

Time must have passed, but that letter mesmerized me. Who were these people? My dearest B and the sender D. I read the letter repeatedly for good measure; I think I all but had it memorised.

I am blessed.

Somehow, that was the most important line.

I am blessed.

All of a sudden, I wanted that. I wanted to be this D person. Was he Daniel, or David, or something more exotic like a Derek?

Is that even exotic?

Then who in turn was my dearest B? Belinda, Bianca, Bronwyn. I suddenly wanted to find out everything about this woman, or at least find my own B. Someone who made me feel blessed. Someone who loved me. Someone who I would love.

It is not like there is not an opportunity here at school, there are plenty of nice girls; it is just, I am sure if my B was here, I would have found her already. At least, I hope I would have found her already. A love that strong would surely have bowled me over.