When was it when I first met him?
Ah! I remember! It was when I was still in sixth grade. Well, actually, we really haven't met face to face. There was this friend of mine who went to another school for some kind of a science quiz ball and when she came back, her eyes were twinkling and told us about someone she met during the competition. Someone good looking with a great mind, well, he even won that competition in the end, my friend only got second.
Well, let's get back to the story. That's the first time I heard his name. The first time his presence etched into my world. But being an apatheti, well, yes, I am one; I just shrugged my shoulders and just let it go.
And after I graduated, and entered in my first year in high school, that's the time that I really met him. But then again, we still didn't meet face to face. I just heard his name and caught a glimpse of him every now and then. Since we're not in the same class, there's no reason for us to really meet and get to know each other.
By the end of our freshman year, he heard about me having a copy of an anime that he is following, well, since I am a bit of an otaku, and he approached me to ask, more like pester me to death, in letting him borrow the copy that I have. And that is the time, which he really came into my own little world. It didn't happen with like any formal Hi or Hello, but something like, he just suddenly barged into my bubble and we immediately clicked and found our own place with each other, but hey, it is in being a friend, there's no romantic feeling with it, yet, I guess, on my part.
Then on our sophomore year, he transferred to our class, together with some of his friends from his class. Well, that's just it. There's nothing more into it. We accepted them in our own little group in class, we bonded, but nothing more.
Then on our junior year, it is still the same. Nothing more to say. But then, it is this time that I really realized my feelings for him. It is my bestfriend who pointed it out to me. She noticed me glancing at him from time to time, or my eyes following him as he passes by. I just dismissed it as something like an admiration or something. But she insisted and succeeded in opening my eyes that I do like him.
Senior year, our last year in high school, our last year to be together. Being really aware of my feelings, my attitude changed towards him. I act more, well, you know how we all act to our loved ones, being shy and demure and all. But then again, I still just kept it all to myself, thinking that this feeling will die a natural death soon. It is only me, my bestfriend, and two of my closest friends who knows about it. And, yeah, being my friends, they pestered me everyday for me to confess to him. But no! I can't do that. I just can't, since…
Well, there is another friend of mine who admitted to me that she likes him. And she is planning to confess to him. What did I do? Well, nothing. That's me. Being an apathetic in nature, I just let everything pass without doing anything or placing an effort on doing it. And after that, I learned that he rejected her. And. And. His attitude towards her also changed. He doesn't talk to her anymore. Good thing after some time, well, he mellowed a little and sometimes began on talking to her again, but there is always a strain between him and my friend. Something more like a scar between their friendship that can never mend.
Well, that's just it. How could I even gather some courage to confess to him if that's how he rewards to those who confess to him? I can't. I just can't. I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't want him to ignore me. I don't want to feel uncomfortable whenever we're going to talk with each other. So that's it. I really tried my hardest to suppress my feelings for him. I tried my hardest. I tried…
A few months before our graduation, on the Christmas month, he was scheduled to travel to another country as a representative of our school for some culture exchange program or something. It's like he'll be going to stay there for just a short time to learn that country's culture and all. Well, before he left, all of us gathered to him for almost everyday, just to pester him for some gifts and all. I also want to ask him for something at that time too, but with all our classmates around him, I can't even mutter a word to him.
