Craving You

XII. Allison

I took a deep breath as I shut the door, leaning against it for a second before I walked over to my bed.

I wasn't lying when I had said that I had to make an important phone call. It just wasn't related to work, but it was much needed.

I needed the courage for what I was about to do today.

"Hello," Victoria greeted on the third ring.

It was relatively quiet in the background so I could figure that she wasn't busy for my call. This was important anyway.

"Vic," I greeted back, "Remember that guy I told you about a while back?"

And then I heard her chuckle, "XXX?"

I smiled, "Yeah,"

Victoria couldn't know about my former crush on Christian, it was too risky. Both Elliot and her were overprotective of me and they had practically lived with Christian and weren't strangers to his ways.

They knew how he used girls.

I had grown to like him so much that I had told Victoria in code language basically, just to get it off my chest.

Code language being, 'I had a crush on this guy who I just randomly met but you don't know him, his name is XXX and he's older than me by a lot but I get weird fluttery things in my stomach when I'm around him.'

"What about him?" She asked, slightly amused.

"He's in LA and," I paused, not knowing what to say, "Well, we had a couple moments..."

"What do you mean by that?" She asked me before I could even try to finish that sentence.

"I recently reconnected with him and I felt like it could be platonic but there was built up frustration and it couldn't be that way..."

She gasped on the other end of the line, "Oh my god, you totally had sex with him!" She whisper-yelled, if that was even possible, "I will chop his dick off if he didn't use protection, he'll actually have four people to deal with; you should probably tell him that-"

"I didn't really have sex with him." I mumbled, regretting my words instantly because I knew it would fuel her curiosity even more, "I don't know if I should."

There were times when I was on the verge of telling her the truth when liking Christian was nothing but torturous for me and the secrets were eating me up and I just wanted someone to know how I was stuck liking someone who could never like me and if by some miracle did, could ruin me utterly and completely.

I didn't want to ruin Christian's friendship with Elliot; he didn't deserve that for not returning the feelings he didn't even know were there. So I kept it bottled up until I could tell Victoria how I was feeling, just not about who those feelings were for.

"You have given up so much of the fun in your life for career goals. No one would blame you for having fun with a guy you've been pining for for years."

If only she knew it was Christian. My whole family would form an alliance against him.

"Thanks, Vic." I mumbled, not convinced of her words because she didn't know the whole truth.

But she couldn't.

A few minutes after my call with Victoria ended, I decided that I had the capability of making my own decisions. I hadn't waited years to have one night with the only man I found myself being constantly attracted to, only to let it pass by.

It was one night. That was it. It was my chance to let go of everything I ever had for Christian once and for all.

I wasn't going to let myself think 'what if' as soon as I'm back in New York.