Be Safe

I step off the edge of the cliff, falling to face my fate, the fate I chose to be safe from him. Will my eyes  be closed or opened? I feel as if I'm falling in slow motion, its an endless fall. When will I hit the bottom? The bottom of my beautiful fate?

My hair is blowing furiously in every direction. As I'm falling I almost start to panic, then I realize, that this is the only way for me to be happier, to be safe again. Still endlessly falling, I close my eyes, thinking about the sound my body will make with me smashing against the rocks.

I lived on a mountain, in a small village with my scurrilous husband. The view was beautiful very spacious, spacious because of the endless pit of trees. The view of the trees went on for miles. Then there was a cliff, right down a trail from our cabin. I walk their every morning before my scurrilous love awoken. I watched the sunrise, listened to the birds joyfully sing to one another. I always walked towards the edge of the cliff. Hesitating, contemplating if I would step off. Would this be the only way to end the unrecoverable pain? I would throw rocks over the edge. My gaze fastened on the rocks as they disappeared into the darkness.

I would stare into the open forest, lost in thought deep into my treacherous mind. Thinking I could feel safe, to feel happier. Yet I began thinking of the abuse that I would face through the day. The sound my body would make as he slams me into the wall. My mind became vacant, it is only full of the painful, scarring images. "Every-time I look into your eyes they are so hollow, never full of life anymore." My sister would say. A statement that I remember every-time I looked in the mirror.

My mind was never calm anymore, only filled with the knowledge of sadness and hate. I only come up to the cliff to throw things off, listening to them smash into the rocks. This habit of mine, that became my own addiction. A release that I So I can remind myself what it feels like to be free and safe.

I follow the objects, listening to the sounds they make. I begin to imagine what my body would sound like. Slamming against those rocks. Will my eyes be closed or open when I land?

If I did step off, I'd be free. Free and safer down there. I'd chose my fate, instead of him deciding first.

I step off the edge of the cliff, falling to face my fate, the fate I choose to finally be happier, to be safe. The drop I feel in my stomach brings a smile on my face. I smile at the feeling of being free, and feeling the weight lifted up off my shoulders. 

I chose my own fate. 

To Be Safe.