Hello, I know I've left my other three books adrift, I get ideas and jot them down, then decide whether there good or not. Then I are start to write but never finish, it's a curse for someone who gets ideas constantly. Anyway, here goes nothing...
Since day one, I've been a mistake. My mother tells me countless of times how she wishes I were "skinner"; "prettier"; and on special occasions, how she wishes I wasn't even here. The first day I was beaten, I was just 4. She left me in my room bleeding, and unconscious. Ever since beatings were a regular. My life is a never ending, burning, destructive hell.
The only breath I get is when my brothers are around. She doesn't beat them, no, but the opposite. They're her favorite. She'd never hurt me in front of them, that'd ruin the perfect image they have of her in there innocent minds. I don't hate them, no. I just wish I could tell someone something, anything. Even with Jason and Michaels love and support, I still feel empty. Life just...well, sucks balls. Yes, I did just say life fucking sucks balls.
Why of all people did my mother get stuck with something like me? I'm not pretty, not thin, just not.....her. I've tried trust me. I've tried loosing the wide horse hips and cake thighs. I've tried, but it doesn't work. All it got me was a hospital visit and a "why are you such an embarrassment?" speech from my mother. As soon as I left the hospital, I was back to imperfection. Fat and hideous. The only thing I have going for my are my cheek and jaw bones. At least I think so. My mother is beautiful, on the outside, but perfection comes at a price.
As I start my miserable existence, I laugh at myself, leading to the sobbing, for 20 minutes, then a calm a stoic face of a person who never cared whether they lived for the next day or not. Death was a wish of mine. Suicide is an option. It's so easy. Just razor to the arms, Sheets tied to a fan, knife to the neck. All possible and successful. Although I do cut, I never cut deep enough. I'm waiting for my 18th birthday for that cut. The day I decide to end my life, is going to be the day I came and brought misery to it. I only have a couple of months now. No one to stop me. Just silence. Peaceful silence. Solitude. No more beatings. NO more pain. No more imperfection. A blissful, smooth, miserably simplistic death.
After everything, I head towards the kitchen and wait for my brothers to finish getting ready. "Hello mistake, what are you doing down here showing your 'its' face to me. I don't even know why I let it got to school. Hopefully, it gets bullied and crys for being so horrendeous." A couple more moths then peace." Why are you still here, why don't you end yourself already you stupid slut? You should.....get ready to go honey, you don't want to be late." as jason comes around, he looks as happy as ever to be up an this time of day.
"Hey mom, Hey Rose, how'd y'all sleep?" "I sleep fantasticly honey, how about you?" "I wish I was still sleeping if i'm being honest." "Come on Mike, it's not that bad, suck it up and be a man, you'll be waking up this early everyday of your life." Ahh, I needed someone to talk some since into this complainer. Jason and Michael could be the yeng and yang of twins. Total opposites, but somehow they balance eachother.
With Jasons blunt, and honest personality, and michaels caring, and sweet personality. Sometimes mike can be a complainer, but at least he doesn't have to complain about beatings, no. Just about clingy girls, homework, and early mornings. Although Jason can seem rude, he's just truthful. He'll always tell you as he sees it. Leaving him with few people who actually get he's just blunt not rude.
"Alright honey, y'all need to get going or you'll be late." Finally. Time to get away from the witch. "Bye mom, Love you." "Love you mom." "Bye." "Good Bye my loves, y'all boys go ahead, I need tot alk to your sister for abit." Well, here we go. Everyday, she reminds me of what would happen if I told anyone what she does. "Honey?" "Yes, mom?" Just as my brother leaves the door.. "Look here bitch, don't say anything to anyone, or I'll take the boys and leave you ass alone. Got that. I don't want anyone over asking about you or if you are ok. Matter of fact, It'd be perfect If you'd end yourself by the end of the week. No suspicions. Are we clear?" "Cristal." Another day, another time my mom is a horrible person. "Great well, don't make friends and have an awful day, Mistake."
Why Me.....
Thanks for reading...
