Didn't expect a continuation? Neither did I. I realized that the last part didn't even scratch the surface of anything. I wanted to make another part explaining more about what it feels like. I have a horrible memory, so I can't say everything I felt, but I'll try ma best.
Imagine your on a ship, floating above liquid. The air you breathe is your emotions. The ship you're on is your self control. The more self control you have the less wobbly it is, and the more daring you are to look over the edge. Whenever you sort of fake an emotion, whether you repress crying, put on a happy smile, or just act like you okay when you're not, you're feeling the murky depths under you with your hand. I did that a lot. So much so that the ship tipped over. As the ship tipped over I could feel a certain feeling of calmness. The belief that everything was okay. The farther I sunk, the more I believed it to be true. Humans can naturally float on water, right? So I was just floating there. I was "fine", everything was "okay". But little did I know that the longer I stayed there the farther I was losing myself. There started to be waves. They became more violent, and even more violent. They didn't stop. Then... I sunk. I tried to get back up, but the calming feeling got stronger. I was being pulled under, feeling that everything was okay, that it was all fine. I went farther, and farther. Being stuck down there, it's horrible. You gain two voices in your head. One tells you that you're okay, there's nothing to worry about. The other is telling you that you should be up there, above the water. The first is screaming so loud in your ear that you can barely hear the second, and when you do you feel like you can put it off until another day. That day doesn't come. I experienced this for a long time, and as it was happening the voice made me pretend like it wasn't and I faked emotion. I was under the depths with no way out, because I thought it was perfect. The first voice started fading away as I realized I couldn't see the surface. I heard the second voice. But it was too late for me to swim back up. This is where I got something that not very many people do in this situation. I did something with friends, something I promised, and couldn't back down from. It started normally, but after a little bit I realized that I wasn't faking anymore. I was taken back up above the sea. I could finally feel. I didn't have to fake anymore.
