The Fault in Our Stars: Epilogue

The last thing I saw were mom and dad's faces streaked with tears, hovering over me. They kept telling me how they love me. I felt no pain anymore. I let go. My lungs continued to fill up with fluid but somehow I ignored the pain and not being able to breathe. I knew the end was in the next five minutes.

The last thing I heard was mom saying, "I'll still be a mom, sweetie. I always will be a mom. Your mom. I will always love you."

Dad nodded, and I tried to smile. Mom tried to smile back through her tears, and Dad kissed me lightly on my forehead. Then a white light fades into my view, and when it entirely took over my vision, I knew I had left Earth.

The white soon was taken over by gold. Not a dull gold, but a beautiful gold, not too shiny.

My view comes into focus and I see golden everything- golden grass tinted with green, a golden sky with magnificent streaks and shades of pink and royal blue. I see water, which is, you guessed it, gold. Behind me, there's a hole in the ground in which I can see the hospital room I was in from above, and my parents. They are leaning over my body, shaking with muffled sobs. They're holding hands, and it appears that Dad is praying.

My eyes get teary, and I mouth the words "I love you".

I turn back around and take a step to find out that the grass is as soft as a fluffy pillow. At the same time, it feels as if I'm floating.

I'm in heaven. I don't see anyone else, which is weird. Shouldn't I see Augustus? Or random people who have died?

I am staring at my bare feet walking through the tall grass, so it occurs to me to look up. I see him.

Augustus.

It's been three years since his death. He hasn't aged at all. I notice he has two full legs, and now I realize I have no cannula and Philip is gone. I am free. I take a deep breath with my lungs that don't suck at being lungs.

Then I focus back on Gus. He is standing across the lake.

I try to run with my new lungs. I feel amazing. And apparently in heaven, you can walk on water. I feel even more floaty in the water.

Augustus is still standing there, with a goofy trademark-Gus-grin too big for his face.

I run faster, wanting so badly to reach him and to smell his scent again. He opens his arms which I leap into, and he spins me around.

"Took long enough," he says, after a good minute of hugging. He takes out a cigarette, which I recognize from the pack I placed in his coffin at the funeral.

I expect him to light it, but he doesn't.

"Why don't you light it?"

"Because, Hazel Grace, heaven does not mean metaphorical references don't apply. Lighting it can't kill me now, but it will kill the metaphor."

I smile, because this is the Gus I know and love.

"So how about oblivion?"

"Oh I got over that fear a while ago, Hazel Grace. It has occurred to me that my mark has been left. The whole world doesn't know who I am, but the people I love do, and that's what matters. You taught me that, Hazel."

A big, goofy grin that Augustus is famous for spreads on his face. I can't help but smile back. I had forgotten how much he had made me love him. I didn't forget him, of course, but I forgot what it feels like to be in the presence of him, to love him more and more with every word he says.

My smile fades, suddenly.

"Is...is Caroline here?"

He smiles a little.

"I saw her when I first came here, but she, like, completely forgot me. I don't know. She walked away and I called out to her but...I guess she's in some other part of heaven now. But all that matters is that you're here. I was always waiting for you to finally show up. But I never hoped. I wanted you to enjoy your life as long as you could. But now you're here."

He smiles even more.

There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.

Now, we have that bigger infinity. We can spend hours talking about the most random things or enjoy the five minutes when the sun sets on a beautiful evening. As Peter Van Houten says, time isn't a slut here. We can't be touched by it. We can dance on the waters of time and laugh at the limits it put on us on Earth. He is mine and I am his, for literal eternity. Gus and I, our infinity is going to expand.

And we're going to use every second.