Goodnight (Rivamika)

goodbye

Finally, the war was over.

 Levi fell to his knees and stared down at the defeated beast titan before him. He was covered in sweat and blood and was out of breath, looking around him for any others but no one was there. He knew that Hanji must have gathered them already and was checking off the list of survivors. Levi sat there for a moment and thought to himself, 'Who was here? Who was fighting along side me? I wasn't alone, I know it,' His mind raced as he became angry that he couldn't remember. Then, something went off in his brain: The rest of the cadets. 

Weakly, he stood up and checked his gas, making sure there was enough and he took off.  He looked over the area, keeping an eye out for anyone on the ground. All Levi could see was rubble, the ripped up ground, dirt, and blood. Still, he couldn't believe it, the war was truly over and he was alive. Humanity's Strongest soldiers made it through hell and back and would have the chance to live like a person should.

That's what he thought at least, until he saw her lying there. Blood soaked stomach and a twisted leg. He remembered now. It was her. She was there, fighting with him. 

Levi stopped his gear and sat next to her body. He kept his face as still as possible but his shocked and unbelieving eyes roamed her features. 

Mikasa Ackerman, second strongest soldier, was dead.

"Mikasa" Levi whispered and lightly shook her, "Oi." No response. "....Mikasa"

He closed his eyes and dropped his head, not knowing what exactly to say or do. "Please, wake up. C'mon Mikasa." 

"I wish" he sighed. "I wish you hadn't built your walls up so high, Mikasa." Levi only solemnly shook his head. "I could've-" Levi let out another unsteady sigh. His body trembled inside. He had too much he wanted to say. Too much he wishes he could have done. 

"Hey" he spoke in a soft, soothing voice and raised his head to look at her. "I'll keep them safe for you," He had to promise her this last thing. "Jeagar and Arlert I mean." His lips twitched. "Don't worry, okay?" 

Levi brushed a piece of hair out of her face, revealing her bruised eye. "I remember that night. When we had tea, you told me about the stories your mother used to tell you. The one about the prince who kissed the girl and she came back." he stared at her now peaceful face. "None of it was real but," he exhaled. "it made you happy. Didn't it?" Happy the word lingered on his lips. With his hand still in her silky black hair, Levi tilted his head an leaned into her, pressing his warm lips onto her cold ones. He kissed her slowly and delicately. It wasn't long or extravagant, it was simple. It was a kiss he longed for, for so long. It was their first kiss and their last one at that. 

He wished he told her how he felt. He wished that she would reject him and end his misery, end his attraction towards her. But Levi knew in his own heart that it would be useless anyway because Mikasa Ackerman was the only woman who could make him feel the way he did. 

He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears now as he parted from her and stared one more time. Again, he brushed her hair away and spoke softly, "See? It didn't work." he swallowed. "You didn't come back." His eyes roamed her pale face and lifeless limbs, taking note of the torn scarf around her neck.

"It's alright." he said softly as his chest clenched and his heart ached. "It's your time to rest." He put his hand over hers for a moment and it felt like time stopped. Everything was in slow motion, not wanting to let go of this moment, not wanting to say those dreaded words. He pressed his lips against her forehead.

Levi stood up and prepared his gear to join the others and announce the devastating news. His heart clenched, not wanting to leave her. He wanted to cry. "It should have been me." his voice shaking. "It's too early for you. Heaven hasn't earned you yet, Mikasa. Heaven hasnt-" A sob caught Levi's throat. "I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn sorry, Mikasa." He tried to calm his breathing. "Forgive me please, forgive me." 

Levi sat back down held her cold hand in his warm ones. "I love you." his focus was aimed toward her features that he was undoubtedly attracted to. "I love you, and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner." he paused, taking one last good look at her. "Hopefully you can hear me up there." he looked to the now dark sky. "Tell everyone I said hi, alright?" his breathing returned to normal. "Tell them I miss them." Levi frowned, knowing that he should have been leaving already, knowing that he shouldn't have stopped at all. 

"Please don't go. Please. I should be in your place right now, please Mikasa." Of course, no answer. "Fuck, I love you. I love you. I love you, Mikasa. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." Tears welled up in his eyes. Finally, he cried. Levi put his head in his hands while his fingers pulled at his black strands of hair. "It's not fair." he mumbled between sobs. "It's my fault, It's all my fault." He tried to calm himself down, grabbing her hand and pressing it against his lips as one last gesture of affection. He cleared the messy hairs from her face, "Keep an eye on us, I'll see you again soon. Sleep well, okay?" 

And with that, he was gone though he was still holding back the great feeling in his chest. The sun was starting to peek through the clouds and Levi knew that she was okay. That heaven held her now, and that she heard him, he got to say his goodbyes.