[✔] The Devil's Lover (boyxboy)

22. PETER JENNINGS: Pieces

~Intro music~

I look at them. They are happy. They look so happy to be in the open like that. I look back to the inside of my locker. A tear is hanging in my eyes. I wipe it away slowly, pretending like I hurt my eyes or something so that people won't know that I'm actually crying. I take the books and walk away from the locker hall. I pull a little and cling tightly to the strap of my bag and that hang on one side of my shoulders. I walk straight into the men's room.

Once I'm inside of a cubicle, I close the toilet bowl and sit on it. I have a cigarette somewhere in my pocket. I search for it and when I found it, I quickly light it up. There's an urge inside of me that I must satisfy. I inhale the cigarette deeply. This urge must be satisfied... I thought. I exhale. There's no stopping to my overflowing tears right now. I'm deeply hurt. It's hurt not to be able to let out what you really feel. It's hurt not to be able to be yourself. It's hurt to let the one you love slip away. And it hurts to know... that it was all your own fault.

~I'm here again, A thousand miles away from you, A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am~

I put the cigarette on my skin once the sleeve was pulled up higher. I can feel the fire eating away my skin. The pain on my skin is overwhelming. However, it's burning away the pain I feel in my heart.

~I tried so hard, Thought I could do this on my own, I've lost so much along the way~

I pull the cigarette away and look at the burn mark it left on my skin. How pathetic. Is this the best I can do? I cry even more at the thought. I lean my head on the wall. I can't stop crying.

~Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours, I find everything I thought I lost before, You call my name, I come to you in pieces, So you can make me whole~

Trance... He's the only best thing that ever happened in my life. And I just had to screw it. How stupid can I be? I was the stupidest of all. Trance was always there for me. He had always accepted me. He just had to go through it all alone. I wasn't there for him. I was a selfish asshole. Am I regretting it? Yes, I am.

~I've come undone, But you make sense of who I am, Like puzzle pieces in your hand~

Why can't I just go out in the open? Why can't I just be honest to myself? Being popular and having it all mean nothing to me now. I should probably just tell everyone who I really am so that I won't have to feel like this again.

~Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours, I find everything I thought I lost before, You call my name, I come to you in pieces, So you can make me whole~

I miss Trance. The old him... What had happened to him? He had changed so much. It almost seems like he had lost his heart. Like he had no emotions and he just didn't care. God, I feel really hurt remembering him looking at me in the eyes with no emotions in it at all. It's painful to notice that. I wipe my tears away and wait for a while.

~music break~

I walk out of the cubicle once I'm sure my face no longer looks like I've just done crying. I'll be late for class. I speed up along the hall. I pass by William. I glance at him. He had a smile on his lips. He always had that smile. A smile like he's about to crush me to pieces. He really hates me, right? Perhaps he knew about me and Trance? Whatever. I got to get to class.

~I tried so hard! So hard! I tried so hard!~

"Hey, what's up?" I said to Andy as I saw him walking into the class. We're both late.

"What's up? Haven't you heard, Peter?" He asked me. He's looking pretty messed up.

"About what?" I asked.

"It's Chris this time. He died. God, I can't take it anymore of this suicide circle," he explained and commented. We both sit down at our seats.

I didn't say anything. I was deeply horrified. Wait. Hold on.

~Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours, I find everything I thought I lost before, You call my name, I come to you in pieces, So you can make me whole, So you can make me whole~

I remembered what Trance had told me. "And I can tell you who's next. The mastermind... Chris!"

Shit! So, it's true... He's behind it all. But how did he do it? How did he persuade people to commit suicide? That just doesn't make any sense. I close my eyes, thinking. So, who's next? I take out the list Mrs. Cuttingham gave me. I quickly crossed out each student's names that had already committed suicide. There are 18 of us in the class. I put circles in the names of students whom I knew were good to Trance and had played no roles in bullying him. They are Joanna, Mike, and Patrick.

I crossed Trance's name with a blue highlighter and the last five names are clear to me now. It's us. Those who gang-raped him... We're the only ones left. Anthony, Noah, Andy, Justin, and... me.

֍֍֍

LYRICS CREDITS:

RED – Pieces