FAITH

Why?!

A/N :

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Standing infront their grave was the worst feeling ever. Since they died, my life became useless. I feel like I also died when that tragedy happened.

I didn't know what actually I felt. I feel so sad, so angry, and so Useless. I don't know what to do.

" Why are you doing this this to me? What did I do to you to make me feel this way, to make me experience these tragedies in my life! What did I do, tell me!"

Tears started to fall from my eyes and my toes begin to feel numb as I shout these words to the heavens above.

Everyday, every night, I live in a nightmare. Everybody's eyes are always lay on me, making me feel that something is wrong. I always had nightmares about the things that I have already Regreted, things that I wish I should have not done before, Things that I wish to be gone in my head.

The rain started to fall. It looks like the weather is  feeling the pain that I'm feeling. And thanks to the rain, my tears isn't as obvious as it is.

I stand up and wipe away my tears.

I know that was enough.

I know I had enough.

I started to walk away and went to my car.

As I start the engine, I begin to cry again. I started to think of what will happen to me after this. Ugh. My head hurts. I need to chill and forget.

I drove to a bar somewhere here and entered and Ordered some vodka.

I wanted to forget these painful feeling inside me and this is the only way I think of as a solution.

I started drinking it and for some reasons, It felt good. I missed to drink this. I missed to feel these burning sensation in my throat.

After few moments, I already had 4 glasses of Vodka and I already feel dizzy. Gosh. The last time I had this drink, it took me 7 glasses to make me feel dizzy. Oh. Maybe this is the feeling when you haven't drink for months.

I stand up from my chair and wanted to go to the dancefloor but something caught my attention.

Oh.

Look who's here?

It's my ex.

With his new girlfriend.

Great. Just great. It's the first time seeing him again after we broke up. Our relationship was actually 5 years. Long enough to make me so crazy to him. I loved him so much. And It still kills me to see him with other people and I'm wishing I was her.

Fuck. I need to get out of here before he sees me. So, I took my things and quickly go to the exit door but before I leave, I took a sight of them and Saw them kissing.

Ouch.

I went here to get drunk and to forget but this is what I get?

I rushed to my car and started the engine. I can't think straight. And oh! My head hurts so much. But I still drive the car and I went to a hotel and checked in.

As I enter my room, I locked my door and started crying hard. I cried hardly as I can, to remove this most painful feeling I have ever felt.

I think this is my karma. I think God is doing this to make me feel what others feel when I was bullying them, when I was the one who is enjoying seeing them cry. Making them feel that no one loves them.

But why?

Why me?

Don't you know what you did before?

God, why are you doing this to me?

Before I went to the funeral earlier, I first went to my school to check my grades.

As my teacher gave me my final report card, I felt disappointed. I thought I could make them pass me if I pay them big amount of money. But know I just realized I can't.

"You know Zoe, you can't just pay us to make you pass this semester. You know, you can't control life. Life isn't perfect. You Don't control others to make you feel so special. You need to push more, work harder to aim what you want. Remember that God made us and treat us fairly. You should do the same."

That's what she said earlier that made me realize that she's right. I made so many mistakes that made others suffer from me.

This is all my fault.

No.

This is HIS fault.

If it wasn't HIM who Made me feel that way first, I should have not done this.

" I HATE YOU. SO MUCH. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"  I shouted at his cross on the top of the bed.

I can't endure this pain anymore! This day has been hell for me! No! This life!

"I wish I wasn't born for me to feel this way! I wish I was dead!"

But I know that no one will help me to kill myself unless I do it on my own.

So I checked the bathroom and cabinets luckily, i found ropes that was left by the last people who stayed here.

I tied the rope and put it in the ceiling.

Before I do this, I wrote a letter for my relatives or friends to notice.

Oh wait.

I just realized something.

My relatives hates me.

I do not have friends. Well, I do have but they are fake as fck.

But I will still write it.

After A few minutes of writing, I decided that...

Im ready.

I put the chair below the tied rope in the ceiling and stand up in the chair. I put the rope around my neck.

Then, I kicked the chair.

GOODBYE.

A/N:

Guys! I still have some chapters coming up for you to know the throwback story of Zoe. The reason why her attitude is like that, what happened to her life, and why she hated the people around her and the world.

So.... Stay updated 😊😊