We Found Love (In A Hopeless Place)

Chapter 10: We Found Love (Part II)

We Found Love (Part II)

The night after the fight, the Novaks in the Church couldn't sleep. They were on the mattress on the floor in Lucifer's makeshift bedroom with hoods pulled over their heads, curled up in balls, backs to each other. Castiel was between the wall and his brother, eyes open, not even pretending to be asleep. Lucifer's breath evened out for ten minutes, before he jerked awake, pushed back against Castiel and whispered, "Do you see them?"

Castiel rolled to face his brother, lifting up his head to peek over the bigger boy's shoulder. There was a gallon of black paint unopened on the floor, their cell phones plugged into the wall, and nothing else. Castiel shook his head.

Lucifer couldn't see him; he was scrambling to sit up, keeping himself a shield between whatever he saw and his younger brother. Castiel followed suit and sat up, legs drawn to his chest. The dark room was silent except for Lucifer's frantic pants for breath. "Why can't you see them?"

Lucifer pushed back until his spine rested between his brother's legs. He kept pushing, like he was trying to crawl into the smaller boy's lap. He made a small, terrified sound, and then whispered, "You aren't real."

Castiel put a hand on Lucifer's shoulder.

"If he can't see you, then you aren't real," he mumbled to the darkness, and kept repeating it over and over like a trance. A minute went by - then two - and with a deep exhale from the older boy, the moment was over - the things were gone - and he turned to face Castiel. He sighed. "Good. They didn't get you."

Lucifer laid back down on his back this time. He was sweating, and he pushed the hood off his head to run his fingers through his hair. His chest rose and fell quickly, pale eyes shut in the darkness. Castiel felt sick. He was still working through the heroin he took at Crowley's two days ago. He had to stay sober. He had to. For when Dean came to talk to him. So he could explain. So Dean would take him back.

"Sam kissed me," Lucifer whined, eyes opening to look through the darkness at his brother. There were tears in his eyes, and his brought a wrist to his face to hide his shame. "I kissed him back."

Castiel was level with Lucifer's knee, so he reached out and touched it. The older brother flinched, rolling onto his side, facing away from his brother. Castiel wanted to talk to him, wanted to say something about how this was 

good

 not shameful. His brother had been making goo-goo eyes at the younger Winchester for months. But he knew the real issue for Lucifer: his stupid plan with Ruby.

Castiel opened his mouth to say 

you need to talk to him

, but the sound died in his throat. He couldn't speak, so he just laid back down, facing his brother, reaching out a hand to place between his shoulder blades.

"Don't," Lucifer said, but he pushed back against the hand. The older brother sighed, grabbing a fist full of his hood and pulling it back over his head and down over his eyes.

The pounding on the door wasn't one Dean knew. It wasn't the timid knock Castiel used to use - so thank fucking God for small victories - but it wasn't the strange tap that Lucifer would give either. No, the older Novak started strong, but the force died out over the three taps, like he knew nobody would answer the door anyway and he should stop trying. It wasn't Bobby, because his triple-tap held the same cadence - I'm here for a reason so let me in, idjits - so Dean decided it wasn't anyone he wanted to talk to (not that he wanted to talk to anyone), and decided to stay shirtless on the couch with a beer at noon on a Saturday.

It wasn't for him and nobody else was home.

He turned the TV up a little louder.

Too many things reminded him of Castiel. Crime shows were out; documentaries were out. He would sit in his room alone, but Sam already knew and John would know soon and he wasn't even