weightless (a destiel fanfiction)

cas - never small enough

*BZZZZ BZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZ*

"dammit" i muttered. i hate school. i hate people.

people suck

i struggle out of my too-comfy comforter and walk over to the mirror, just like every morning

fatass

what the hell do you eat?

must be a shit ton

hah you look like a truc-

tears already formed in my eyes. why the fuck am i so fat? why can't i just be skinny and muscular and hot like everyone else...

i turn away, toward my closet where i try to find the biggest t-shirt i can find.

one thing ive learned is that as long as you wear something big, no one can see how small you actually are.

i shiver, remembering the time when i screwed up

shit, i screwed up bad

···

"hey novak!"

"hey" i smile, despite knowing i shouldn't be happy, i ate too many calories and i was already over my limit

"we're trying on new uniforms! this shitty school finally got us real basketball ones, and new basletballs too!"

i freeze. i had already cheated my way out of the other time, when i has said i grabbed the wrong one and I'd suck it up.

oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh sh-

"novak, you ok?"

"hmm? uh... yea fine, just a little dizzy. was late to school and missed breakfast"

"oh sorry, here have my granola bar! maybe it'll put a little meat on rude bones, eh?"

"umm.. yea sure t-thanks kevin"

i open up the dreaded bar. when he looks away i check the back and almost gag.

too many calories

way way way way way too many

shit

i had to do something, anything to get kev away from me so i could throw this damned bar in the trash.

so i did the first thing i could think of.

i ran

···

so awkward now that i think about it, but i made a good cover up where i just told him i was going to throw up

nobody questioned it.

i take a look at the clock

"SHIT"

it's 8:13

school starts in 10 minutes

i grab my signature oversized trenchcoat and walk through the kitchen, saying hi to all my siblings.

i grabbed the toast for me on the counter, but as soon as i got outside,

i threw it out

···

hey um quick an

this is gonna be really fucking sad but thats the point sorry

dean chapter next

also, i personally don't have anorexia, and so i apologise profusely if i get any terminology wrong, please correct me.

love you all, stay strong

bye frens <3