And I'm feeling so lost,
It was over my head,
I know nothing at all. . .
~
8th of May.
I was with my friends going over to another friends house to celebrate.
I hang out with my friends to cool off what was going on in my head. Cee kept calling but I didn't want to answer his call, I had enough.
we were fighting a lot lately and it's been weeks since he left. I kept calling him, he doesn't answer his phone. I went to his apartment but he wasn't there, I left him a letter but I haven't received anything from him yet.
maybe I was the problem? thoughts crept through my mind, thinking about how I yelled at him all the tme and how I cringe about his future goals. Maybe it's me.
I repeated what I did, I called, I went to him, I gave him letters... hoping he'd do something, but there was nothing for me.
I found out he was leaving and had tickets for a flight to Florida. He was going to permenantly live there... Now, how can he think of going without me? Am I not that important to him anymore?
I tried to covince him not to go, I called him again last night and this time, he picked up my call.
"Yeah?" He was listening. "Don't go..." I said tilting my head up so tears don't fall. "I'm sorry..." He said. "Have you given up on me?" The question he had asked me when our family was tearing us apart. He couldn't answer but I could feel that he was thinking, "I don't want to give up on you but it feels like I have..." he said. "I'll call you.. soon." and then he ended the call.
I tried to erase him from that day onwards. He felt like he gave up? I feel like I should've gave up earlier. All that effort calling him, going to him, giving him out letters.. It all went to waste.
And when I finally gotten over him, here he comes calling me.
"This is sooner than I expected" I said to him on the phone. "Have you given up on me?" He asked suddenly. I don't know what to say, I should know what to say but I went blank for some reason. "Have you, Sylvia?" he asked me again. I felt my lips shiver, "Y..yes..." I ended the call myself.
I'm crying and i'm asking myself why?I thought i've erased him from my conscience but I guess I haven't after all.
He called me twice in three days. I cancel his call everytime...
I know I should forget about him but there was a part of my heart that still longs for him, that beats for him and I can feel it deep inside of me that aches. I shouldn't forget him.
I shouldn't give up on him.
I was busy partying with my friends but I heard my cellphone beeped and Cee voice-mailed me.
I listened to the voice-mail he sent.
Hey, Sylvia. I'm about to go aboard and flew to Florida.
Sorry that I couldn't get to you.
-uh-
was I too late to get you back?
If you don't want to talk, I'll understand.
but please, say something...
He's going already. He even bothered to voice-mail me... I didn't call him. I left my cellphone untouched for an hour or so. My friends and I were watching TV because we got tired dancing around and playing with our pretty dresses, acting like little girls.
We then watched a TV Show and the show stopped for awhile, the News airred.
It was a breaking news...
It has been informed that Florra Airplane has crashed, according to the last call transmitted by the captain "the engines are not working properly.."They were across--
I was feeling unease all of a sudden. I felt goosebumps all over my body, I immediately asked Jamie.. "What was the name of the Airplane Cee was on board?"
She was kinda drunk and was mumbling her words but I could hear perfectly, "Florra Airplane..".
I'm shivering, as I look at both of my hands trembling and feeling numb.
His last voice-mail rings in my head, it seems that it was on repeat and I couldn't to stop it, I can't think of anything else than that. I'm crying right now and my friends don't know why and I cried to them that Cee was on that plane. They were shocked but I was scared... I'm scared that I might have lost him by now.
Sorry that I couldn't get to you. . .
My heart drops heavily. It is pounding, my chest is tightning that I can't breathe.
Anywhere I could've followed you.
As each tear falls, I hoped that he's fine... that he's safe somewhere inside that plane that crashed.
It has been a terrfying day for all passengers, all flights were cancelled for Florra Airlines as of the accident.
It had been announced, that there were no survivors either than the Captain himself.
The team had a helicopter comve over and search for bodies--
Even though I know that there could be no possible way of him calling me once more, I held my cellphone tightly, eargerly waiting for him.
As I can remember, the last tear had fallen and there was nothing left to shed.
"...Say something, I'm giving up on you."
I... will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love....
but I'm saying goodbye.
~
