If Something Happened

Cancer. The news hit them all like a ton of bricks. After years of trying to rediscover each other and figure out the new dynamics, they'd hit their stride. Now John was sick.

They hugged him. They made half hearted jokes. They caught it early, he said. It shouldn't be more than a temporary setback.

The truth was that they were already one McVie down, and the idea of losing another band member was too much. It would change everything. They were family.

"So we cancel the last leg of the tour then. We don't go to Australia." Mick spoke definitively. Lindsey may be the music director, but Mick ran the band. He was their heart.

"Obviously. John, just see how treatment goes. We will figure things out from there," said Lindsey, his demeanor much more pleasant these days. Stevie briefly noted how much more she liked him like this.

"John, you know we will do whatever you need us to do. We're not going anywhere. We need you to be okay first," Stevie said, tripping over her words a little. She had been on the verge of tears since he had said the C word. She didn't want to be the first one to cry.

John looked embarrassed by the attention. After assuring everyone he'd be okay, he thanked them and said goodnight. They scattered for the night, everyone figuring out how to process the news in their own way.

Eventually, Stevie heard a familiar knock on the door.

"Come in."

"You doing okay?" Lindsey leaned against the wall, eyeing her cautiously from a distance. She sat on the edge of the bed, staring at nothing. She hadn't changed her clothes, and the little bit of makeup she hadn't cried off already was smeared across her eyelids. He already knew the answer.

"Not really."

"It's scary," he said, sitting beside her on the bed. "But he's going to be okay."

"This time, probably. But we're all old, Lindsey. I've just been thinking that it's only a matter of time before something happens to one of us."

"That's probably true. That's how life works."

She nodded. "I'm not ready to lose anyone yet."

"We won't. Not this time," he assured her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and sat with her for a long time. She seemed to calm down a little as he held her, and his heart slowed. He didn't like seeing her upset like this, especially when there really wasn't anything he could do about it.

"I'm really tired," she said, burying her face in his chest.

"Get some sleep. It'll be better tomorrow." He kissed the top of her head and gave her a squeeze. "He's going to be okay. We just have to give him some time."

"Will you sleep next to me?"

"I can stay."

"I'm going to go clean myself up." She stood and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving him alone on her bed. He was probably more comfortable here than he should have been, but he was grateful for it. Grateful for her and where they were right now.

"Lindsey?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"If you want to turn on the TV I left the remote by the bed." She paused for a second. "Did you just call me baby?" She opened the door and leaned against the doorway, now makeup free, her hair piled on her head, a toothbrush still in her mouth.

"I... Yeah. I'm sorry," he said, looking a little sheepish.

"I missed that," she said, her voice a little dreamy. Then she ducked back into the bathroom. He shook his head and took off his shoes, suddenly completely exhausted. She emerged, now clad in a simple white nightgown. He tried not to stare at her, but he'd always loved her like this. It made him feel closer to her. This was the Stevie he didn't share with the rest of the world.

She pulled the covers back on the bed and crawled in, watching him. "I don't think I have anything for you to wear to bed Lindsey," she said, thinking out loud.

"I'll manage," he said, taking off his jacket and jeans. She watched him undress, and he was a little taken back by her brazen stare. Normally she was more subtle... Not that he was going to complain. She had invited him to sleep in her bed. These opportunities didn't come very often.

"Want to watch CSI with me?"

"Sure," he said, settling down beside her. She laid her head in his lap, flipping through the channels until she found what she was looking for. He touched her shoulder gently, not really sure what the boundary should be. Blonde hair spilled all over his lap and he wove it through his fingers. She'd always loved when he played with her hair; the contended sigh she gave him reminded him that she still did.

"You were really sweet with John today," she said, still facing away from him.

"I mean, what should I have done? He's family. He has cancer."

"I know. It's not that. It just... It reminded me how much I like you right now." She sat up and faced him, cross-legged, pulling one of the blankets around her shoulders.

"You like me?"

"You're just so much more gentle now. Like you were before." The dreaminess was back in her voice, but her eyes were still locked on him. He couldn't look away, desperately searching her eyes, trying to keep up.

"Age does that. And perspective."

"Mmm..." She was silent for a minute, thinking. "Lindsey?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What if something happened to me?"

"I'd be devastated."

"You'd be there, right? Because you're still the one I would call."

"Of course I would. But I really don't want to think about that." He took her hand and entwined her fingers in his resting it on her knee.

"Me either." She looked at their hands and then back up at him. "Is this okay? Us?"

"I don't know," he said honestly.

She frowned and looked back down. He could never keep up with her when she went into these places. All he could do was hope to hold on long enough for her to come back. He swore he could actually see her mind racing.

"Hey, come here," he said, tugging on her hand. She complied, sliding over and resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad I have you. And no matter what happens, you have me. You're not going to be alone."

"What if something happens to you first?"

"Stop. We are going to be okay. You've got me for a long time." He didn't want to think about this anymore. "I think we just need to enjoy the time we have. We've still got a good 30 years in us don't you think?" He could feel her smile and wrapped his arm around her. "Let's sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a rough one."

She hit the switch on the lamp and they lay side by side, both staring at the ceiling, still trying to process the day. "I love you, Lindsey."

"I love you, too."

"Lindsey? Can you..."

"Get over here." She curled up against him, her back to his chest, clutching the arm he slung over her waist. He kissed her bare shoulder and she closed her eyes, trying to suppress... whatever it was she was feeling. He held her until she drifted off, finally calm. He'd at least given her that tonight.

Tomorrow they had to be there for John. Tonight, she needed him. Her deep, even breaths were all he needed. They were going to be fine.

"Goodnight, baby."