colors. kth x myg / taegi

love, taehyung

double update - go read thirteen if you haven't!!

hi doctor min,

i've never been good at writing notes, but i felt like you really deserved one. i have a lot to say, and not enough words to say it all. i wish there were more words; it's hard to express how thankful i am in the words that exist.

first of all, thank you for telling me to grow stronger. i'm not strong, and while breathing isn't living, you need to breathe to live. i think part of the strength you told me about was the strength to keep breathing and find the will to keep going. i thought you were being ridiculous; what's being strong going to do to help me when i've got nothing to be strong about? but i think i get it now. it'll take time until i can actually do it, but i get it. i hope that's enough.

also, thank you for teaching me how to trust. i've had so many people leave me in my life, it's hard to believe that anyone will ever stay with me. but you showed me that i have jungkook and jimin. and you showed me that i have you too. that gave me a lot of hope and a little bit of a reason to keep going.

also, thank you for showing me that hope is alright. remember how i told you that i never hoped to get better because i'd fall back again? you told me that that was part of why i wasn't getting better, and i didn't believe you then, but i think i do now. when you first told me that, it made me angry because i thought you didn't understand. but i guess you were right; my hopelessness was kind of tugging me away from recovering. i will get better.

oh, and my scars. thank you for showing me how beautiful they really are. it was nice to talk about them, even the seemingly insignificant ones. thank you for showing me that they show progress. they still feel like reminders right now, but maybe in the future once i get better, they'll be distant memories that make me glad i recovered.

also, thank you for listening. i don't make sense sometimes when i talk, and people don't like to listen to me cry about how sad i am. thank you for letting me talk to you and thank you for listening to me. i'm sorry i cried so much when i talked.

also, thank you for showing me that i'm not a monster. i remember how you told me that taehyung is a person, and i remember how you told me that i could make taehyung anything, even a color. i painted myself gray then, but i think i want to paint myself yellow this time.

and recovery. thank you for teaching me about recovery.

i haven't recovered yet, and i might not anytime soon, but you showed me that it's possible. you showed me that you did it, and i can too. i might not be as strong as you, but that doesn't mean i can't get better. i get it now that recovery really just takes time; i just need to be more patient, i think. i'll keep breathing and try to keep living and i'll see where i end up.

thank you for everything, doctor min.

if i ever bloom yellow, it's because of you helping me.

love, taehyung.

a/n: it's done!!! thank you so much to anyone who read, commented and/or stayed with this story until the end :,-))