8 years in the life

Chapter 17

Robert woke up and his mind was suddenly filled with thousands of questions. What now? He had never felt connected with a woman as he was with her. But was he allowed to even be with her? How will Logan react? Could he be with her when she was in Boston and he's moving to DC in the morning? How will she react to their night? Was it just a one-time thing for her? Did this incredible moment change anything between them? Robert looked at Rory sleeping, hoping to decipher what she could be feeling. He watched her breathing peacefully and he thought she looked like an angel and he wished he could lie there with her forever. How would he be able to live without seeing her every day? Now that he knew how making love to her felt, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. He had never been that conflicted in his life. He feared the morning when he would have to say goodbye to her. He got out of her bed silently and went back to his room and took a quick shower. While the water was running on his head, he realized he wouldn't be able to leave if he had to face her. So, without putting any more thought into it he put his clothes on and hit the road, just like that, without a note, nothing. Not because he didn't care, just because he couldn't face the situation, the what ifs were running through his mind at light speed. What if it was a mistake? What if she doesn't feel the same? He wasn't able to think straight; his head was a mess and he hated that feeling. Maybe a little distance would allow him to gather his thoughts and know what to do. The sun was starting to rise and he cranked up the music in the car and drove. Art Blakey was definitely a good choice.

While he was driving he couldn't stop himself from over analyzing the situation. Of course, over the past few months, he got vibes that Rory could be interested in taking their relationship to another level. Nevertheless, he was too good at compartmentalizing and even if he decided to act as though he was oblivious to the situation, he never indulged. He had managed to set mental boundaries between them, they were friends, roommates. Nothing else, but now, everything was crumbling down. Facts, he had to go to the facts. Rory was his best friend's girl. Not just a girl, THE girl, the one Logan wanted to marry, the one he wanted to spend his life with, the one who shattered his heart into billions of tiny pieces. She was Logan's, not his, and he'd betrayed his friend. On the other hand, the break up was two years ago, Logan and Rory haven't had any contact since then. Even if they could have a relationship with Logan's blessing, how would they manage their jobs? They were just starting something that they both dreamed of. Even if Rory would follow him in DC, he wouldn't want her to go to an overseas war zone. At least as an editor she was safe. So that would mean having a long-distance relationship. Was it viable to begin something with both of them starting such time-consuming activities? Jeez!! This situation was driving him insane.

A little while later, Rory woke up and even without looking felt the emptiness of the sheets beside her. She opened her eyes and saw that indeed she was alone. She called out his name but didn't get an answer. Then she smelled the coffee. She put on her robe and got to the kitchen, the coffee was brewed, her cup beside it as usual, but Robert was nowhere in the apartment. She walked into his room and switched on the light. It was painfully empty, but it smelled like him. She went into the bathroom, a wet towel was hanging there, but all the toiletries were gone. He had left. She leaned her back on the wall and slid down to sit there on the floor, holding her knees. Saying that she was miffed was an understatement. What now? She stayed there for a few minutes and all in a sudden stood up to get her phone. When Robert's phone buzzed, he pondered but decided to answer.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" Her voice was weak, almost trembling.

"On my way to DC," he whispered

"Why didn't you wake me to say goodbye?" Rory asked in disbelief.

"I freaked out," Robert answered sheepishly "I got scared, panicked, I'm so sorry. I ... I've never felt something like that. I don't know how to handle the situation - whatever we're having. I thought... I wouldn't be able to leave you if I had to face you." He couldn't believe what a jerk he was.

"Okay. You'll call me once you're in DC?"

"Sure, I'll do that." Love you. It dawned on him that he'd probably hurt her and he hated himself for that. He had to restrain himself not to make a U-turn and come back to her, hold her and never let her go.

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It had been four days since Robert had left. Rory had dived headfirst into work to stop thinking about the situation. Why was it so difficult? Why hadn't she realized before how much she was close to him? She genuinely thought that what they had was only friendship despite Paris' input. She was always amazed how her former roommate could be so perceptive. However, was she also right about Robert being in love with her? Of course, there was this evening at her grandparents where she discovered that Robert could induce new emotions in her, but nothing happened afterward so she thought she had a slight moment of weakness. Nevertheless, the feelings that emerged that last evening were overwhelming. What was that? And now she missed him like crazy. She couldn't deny that everything seemed right when he was around her. She hadn't been that happy and alive in a long time. When she closed her eyes, she could remember his hands on her skin, and that she felt tingles in her stomach when he caressed her on her inner thigh. Since he left, she was off-centered, imbalanced. So okay, she might have misread her emotions but on the other hand, he had never shown her any feelings other than friendship.

That evening she got home exhausted by 10:00 pm. There had been a sudden volte-face during the investigations her team was working on, so they had to re-think their strategy completely. She took her clothes off and put on a yoga pant and Robert's grey Yale hoodie that she used to wear for running. It's still smelled like Habit Rouge. She sat on the couch and flipped through the channels suddenly stopping on NBC News when she saw David Axelrod on the screen and burst into tears. Then she heard her phone vibrating. Finn.

<I just landed. I know it's a little late but if you're still up we can grab a drink>

She pressed her phone button to call him but she could barely speak. "Finn?"

"Hey Love glad you called." All he could hear was crying noises "What's wrong?" He couldn't hear any answer, just sobbing.

"Hold on love, are you at your place?"

"Yes," he hardly heard.

"I'll be there ASAP." What was that? When he left three weeks ago everything was fine. He knew that Robert leaving would be a little harsh on them as these two clearly got along very well, but she seemed really happy for him. He tried to call Robert but it went to voicemail. Instead, he got a text.

<Can't talk right now. Bit of a crisis here> It seemed like Robert was already diving deep into work.

When Finn arrived at the apartment, he could hear her weeping through the door. He knocked and when she opened he saw that her eyes were bloodshot and her entire body was trembling. Finn felt a tightening in his chest.

"Oh Finn, he's gone," she said, and she started crying again.

Finn hugged her and held her tight in his arms then slowly moved Rory to the couch.

"I know, love." He waited until she'd stopped sobbing. "Why didn't you tell him how you felt?" He asked.

"Because I didn't know until he was already gone. You know it was his dream job. First I thought I was just being selfish."

"And now?"

"It hurts like hell, I miss him so much it feels like I can't breathe when I think about him for too long. It's stupid because we're not even together," and she buried her face in his chest and started crying again. Finn couldn't understand how his two friends managed to mess up the situation in just three weeks. Last time he saw them, they were still both in denial but they were managing pretty well. He had almost convinced Robert to play their game at the bar. If love could lead to being so miserable, it was definitely not for him.

A/N: Special thanks to anonymousgg16 for the editing