Cant think

Feeling Nov/8/2017 12:16AM

Most of my days are repeated. Wake up at 6am, go to school, come home, snack, pee, and deal with family drama. But when i think its going to get better and things will quite down a big loud door slams shut, creating a tornado somehow. Then we're back to square one, me loosing my mind.

"HI BABY!!" I screamed and my all so happy 1 year-old comes running into my arms with a big bright smile.

"Mommy missed you, i had a very boring day." I said to the small child in my arms.
Obviously he doesnt understand yet but thats the joy of him being so small...HE WON'T  REMEMBER ANYTHING! Best secret keeper ever.

"He had a nap at 12 and ate at 2. You would not believe the amount of wtf's i had today. Im done with it all." My step-dad said, walking towards the front door.
"You always say your done with it but yet, your still here. Must love us alot." I faked smiled and put malachi (my son) down to go play.
Really im just done with people. Its always the same drama just slightly different each day. Acting suprised all the time is hard work and takes alot out of me.
Im trying to change things but its hard when your 16 and no one ever listens to you. Im sure other teens feel the same way and it just irritates me so much the point where i had to walk out to breath. Which helps me alit more than doing nothing at all.

"When does mom get home? We need more milk and juice." I said to jaye.
"I dont know and okay I'll go later when your mom gets home." He said. He was getting an attitude and i wasnt sure why. I didnt do nothing to him and he was fine 5 mins ago....I blame my brothers. Even though there not here, its always thier fault.
"Mmkay" is all i said the rest of the night.
I wasnt really in the mood to talk or be near people, but i couldnt leave malachi in the living room by himself. He just learned to climb the couch and he already fell once face first. That little test flight stained my shirt a very dark red.
So i stayed at the kitchen table watching youtube videos all day till my phone died on me then i made a sback for me and malachi. After that mom (or nana to malachi) came home and jaye made dinner.

"Hi mom, how was hell?" I asked

"Toasty with a side of insane! Some guy was trying to pull his iv out and we were short staff by 4 people. I was charge nurse today and i had 6 patients and another girl and another 6 patients. I was busy and just...UGGGHH!!!!" She screamed the last part.
She was obviously tired, and her feet probably killed her. She works 7 to 7 but doesnt get home till 8:30 to 9 at night because of the handover to next shift. She went into her room to change into p.js and ate a small meal then went to bed.
Jaye on the other hand was making the boys bed ready and turning cartoons on so they can sit and be quite for mom.
I decided to do the same. Go down stairs switch laudry, gather malachis and i's clothes and a few clean towels, make sure my shoes are were i can find them, give malachi a bath and then lay down. I usally stay up to take a shower, but i couldnt sleep at all and i hate nights like this. I always think and when i think i break down and i hate when i break down. Im so weak sometimes.