Demented

Miranda

   Breath in, breath out. I do this repeatedly. The little boy in my arms looks up at me. He truly is beautiful. He smiles brightly up at me. He hasn't learned to talk yet. Not even a year old and I can already tell he's going to be smart.

   His father was a mechanic. It burns my throat to think about him. Just two days ago we were a happy, healthy family.

   The picture frame on the mantel shows us at or wedding. We were both happy. We were young and in love. With him gone, my heart is empty. The only thing to comfort me is the angel in my arms.

   I walk towards the window. My mother-in-law is coming to check on me. Its good to know that she's willing to put aside our differences for once. For Isaac.

   I can see her approaching the steps. She rings the door bell. I shout to her to come in. She's very traditional though. She continues ringing until I answer the door. I give her quick hug. She takes Isaac from me. I can tell that's the real reason why she came over. For Isaac.

   I leave the two downstairs. In my bathroom, I look at my reflection in the mirror. Two days seems to have its damage. My eyes sag. My skin looks pale. None of this compares to what I feel inside.

   A piece of me feels lost. I don't know where I belong now. I always believed I was put here to be with him. Where do I belong now?

   I turn on the water to block out any noise. My own heartbeat drums through my ears. I'm scared. Not of death. I'm scared of living. What purpose do I serve here? I don't.

   Carefully I take the knife out if my pocket. I'm no longer scared. Slowly I slip it down my stomach. I gasp out in pain. His smiling face is in my mind. For Isaac.

   A woman hands Isaac a letter on his 11th birthday.

Dear Isaac,

By now you're probably turning into beautiful young man. There are things that you're are still learning that I'm not there to teach. I'm sorry. You have a very strong women who was there the night I had to leave. You call her mom. Love her as much as I loved you. There is someone else who loves you very much. Know that we are both proud of you. For you, Isaac.