A letter to my ex - bestfriend

Dear bestfriend,

It's been a while now. How have you been? Are you doing okay? I hope you've moved on with your life, as I am trying to do right now. I still desperately want to tell you everything. Hanging out for a coffee and a long, lovely chat. It's just...I cant anymore. We no longer text or call each other, and this way I know that everything ended. You are not here beside me like you used to be. I go over and over our last conversation in my head, torturing myself with the memories of you. There is so much things that I wish I could change, words that I wish I could take back. But I know I cant.

I miss you.

I miss you so much, maybe even more than you miss me. I miss your smiles, your laughs, your hugs.

I miss the way you used to be my family. My sidekick. My sister. My bestfriend.

I miss all the times we were together, talking about literally everything, even the silliest things we could think of. You laughed at my jokes, and you made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. You made me feel needed and loved.

We used to be a perfect match, you and me. We used to wake till mid-night texting each other everyday, and tagged each other in funny things we found on facebook. We made people jealous of our friendship and our strong bond. They even said that we looked like siblings.

I still have our pictures, but it hurts so much looking at them now. Sometimes I read our old texts again, and found myself smiling. I still remembered the first time we met. I didn't know why, and but I felt a weird connection between us. You were shy and sweet just like me, and in that moment, I knew immediately we were besties.

A lot of things had happened from that day, and it's been 6 years. 6 years. A long journey, wasn't it? Our friendship will last forever, and you will never leave me. Or at least that's what I thought. But I was wrong.

I've been so used to having you by my side, but now when I pick up my phone and open the messenger, I know it will be just an old hobby.

I cant stop crying listening to our old songs, and I probably will never go back to our favourite coffees, parks and shopping centers again.

Why did everything end like this? What happened to us?

You became distant after I told you I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. You changed from a great close friend and a sister to a complete stranger. I cared deeply about you, I cared for you a lot, much more than you ever knew. I were there everytime you needed me, but where were you when I needed you the most?

Where were you when I cried and broke down, just wanting to end my life? There were times I was too desperate to hold back the pains, and posted suicidal threats on facebook. You saw it and liked, but no comments. No calls. No texts. No asking me if I was alright. Werent bestfriends supposed to be there for each other in tough times like that?

I just want to say that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for failing you. I've tried to mend our friendship several times, but it was too broken to be saved.

I just...I am sorry.

It's painful the way it ended. I'm still mad. So mad. It happened so fast. We used to be two souls become one, and now we cross each other on the street like two strangers. We will soon move on with our lives, finding new friends, new relationship. Better friends. We will remember this. Forever in our hearts.

I miss you, dear, but I will let you go in the end.

But before you go, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for being everything that I ever asked to.

Thank you for being more than just a bestfriend. Being there for me, helping me up when I couldn't even help myself.

Thank you for all the good and bad memories. The past 6 years will forever be my best years. Thank you for making this part of my life beautiful and full of happiness.

Just know that I am here for you, always. Even now we are not bestfriends anymore, nothing will gonna change the fact that I love you, and you will forever be in my heart. Nothing can change it, so you wont have to be worry about anything. I wish you a great and happy life, and a bright future. I wish you the best.

Your friend,

Minh Chau