The Pandering Fool
Thus I scream, air leaving my lungs. A cry for help lost on the wind and found by the merciful embrace of Death.
My fear gone I sette into the gentle cocoon around me, warm, almost familiar; as if remembered from a waking dream.
Death's sweet whispers lulling me to my final rest as tears stream down my face only the fake smile remains.
As these final thoughts race through my brain I transition into the land where my demons rest.
They smile, laugh and point. They have won my mind flares and I wake.
A room covered with worried faces stained with tears greets me as air once more fills my lungs.
Family,friends,Doctors all surround me their eyes a mix of relief and regret.
The latter sticks out more, am I to repeat this cycle forevermore?
If so who will be in this room next I fall?
Shall the faces stay the same or as before will some simply leave finding a new subject to watch?
Will the regret of leaving me alone slowly fade or will it grow stronger?
Lifting my head I see that a few never came, they never cared.
Now distracting myself by answering questions shot forth from quivering lips.
"Are you okay? What happened? Why didn't you say something or reach for the hands offered?"
The only answer I have is that I don't know.
I no longer know myself anymore, how am I to answer such things aloud if I can't even answer myself?
Was I even supposed to wake from the embrace of Death, even now I miss her words of reassurance.
She told me I did my best and she held me as if I truly belonged in her arms.
Her sweet scent and loving words I miss them even now; I long to find my place In this world.
A place that may feel like Death's sweet nothings whispered into my ear.
Once I find that place maybe I won't be so eager to see Death and my demons.
Embraced by one who can truly love me despite my scars and wounds still healing.
This is all I ask of this world, to be understood, to be loved and to be embraced.
Once more my thoughts wander from this cage I made to keep them safe.
However it's not to Death they wander too this time, no it's to those I already have by my side.
They wander to their beautiful scars and fragile minds, now I see that they hold me dear as if an angel with a devil's halo.
They see me as I am, a broken soul, a fragmented journeyman on this path of life.
But mostly In their minds I see who I truly am to them even when I look at Death with a longing gaze they fight.
I now see Deaths wicked smile and the venom from her lips as she drags me down further into madness.
These people are fighting their own battles with death and to them I take the form of an angel when they need one most.
I say but a few simple words and the fire within them burns ever brighter.
I am not the one who needs embraced by a true friend I am the one who embraces them.
My voice rings out clearest when they are entranced by Death's sweet siren song.
As I have done before I do again I reach out and embrace all I have and all I've lost.
These are the things that keep me here, they make me what I am today.
Alive.
