Ted's Crisis Love Hotline

"I just don't have anyone else to talk to, I am so worried he is going to die." The voice on the phone cried in an almost convincing way. By this time Ted was very suspicious of callers such as this one. He had developed an ear for people who were just trolling over the phone. Usually kids whose parents worked too late and the kids had nothing better to do than go on omegle or call the harm prevention hotline for kicks. Now with skype and google talk it was even harder to blacklist numbers that were trolls. The phone system is fully anonymous. Even when Ted blacklists a number, he doesn't see the number itself, he just tells the system to blacklist it. Ted had been working here for almost six months now. Prank calls had gone from being troublesome setbacks to part of the daily routine. Ever since one of those Jole brothers made it a "meme" to prank call help centers, all hell broke loose.

As always, even though he was sure this was a prank call, he knew he couldn't just hang up after the first sentence. "Who is going to die, are you thinking about hurting yourself or someone else?" There was an almost audible pause. It sounded like someone was trying hold their breath, or holding in their laugh. The voice came back on, "It's my dog, he was being bad, so I had to punish him like my mom told me," the voice cried in almost the same rehearsed intonation as the first sentence it spoke. "I gave him some chocolate and he is not moving." He knew what he was walking into, but he wanted to get it over with. "I am sorry to hear that, what's the dog's name?" The voice, in a melodious tone of laughter, blurted out "Spicy red nipples!" "Of course." Ted hung up the phone and added the number to the blacklist hoping that this would be the last time they called, but at this point his hope was symbolic.

With only a moment to resync, his phone rang again. Ted answered and in the most non-condescending tone he said: "I am not a therapist. If you are just a troll, you are potentially hurting someone who truly needs this service. Just be mindful. I have spoken to people who are suicidal or deeply depressed. So please be mindful. Go ahead whenever you are ready." No one answered. Ted knew his approach was not exactly in the scripts, but he was trying to appeal to the compassionate side of trolls. It even worked a few times. As Ted was about to hang up, a delicate voice faintly spoke: "Hello?" In that very instance, Ted knew who was calling him.

He hadn't heard from her in months. They were very close in school, but she had a boyfriend. Ted knew she liked him, but he couldn't cross that line. He had been cheated on before and it's not fun, especially if you know the guy your girl cheats on you with. It was difficult to say the least. Ultimately, Ted and she stopped talking because they had feelings for each other, but it was painful. Ted was in love with the whole idea but ultimately, he knew it was never going to happen if she was still seeing someone else.

He changed his voice a little bit, made it a little deeper. "Hi how can I help you? I hope the message at the beginning doesn't deter you from our conversation, we just have to be very sure you know?" He was overcompensating, it wasn't natural. "I've never called one of these, ummm, centers before, and I just don't even know how to start." There were many ways to initiate a conversation, all of which taught to Ted in his training, but with her he knew exactly what to say to make her feel comfortable. "Well you can talk about anything you like. We can start small, what did you have for breakfast?"

She quickly responded in that quirky voice he was all too familiar with. "Oh ok! I had a muffin and a large coffee with a splash of hazelnut from Dunkins! Then I went to my dad's house, but he's visiting my grandma." She paused again. "So, I, um, don't have anyone to celebrate my birthday with, and my boyfriend and I are in long distance since June." He knew what that pause and "um" meant. He knew her throat was hurting a little as she tried very hard not to cry. "My favorite part about my birthday used to be getting these cupcakes that you could only buy in a bakery across town. Like a mini birthday party." Ted used to buy her these cupcakes because he lived a block away from this bakery, and he knew she loved those cupcakes. Every year he would miss first period and wait until the bakery opened to buy a cupcake, then bring it and hide it in her locker. "Oh, wow that does sound like a treat. Did you get one this year?" He knew the answer to that already. "No, but the cupcakes weren't why I loved getting them." Something that was new to him. "I loved getting them because he would bring them for me, and then we would share it." She broke down, but only for a moment before sniffling and clearing her throat. With a thoughtful pause added for authenticity, Ted asked: "I see, so you are missing someone?"

"Yes. I just wish he could talk to me right now." Ted played dumb. "Well you could just call your boyfriend, I mean I am sure he is going to surprise you somehow?"

"No, I am not talking about my boyfriend. I just miss him, today out of all days more than ever." Ted kept up the act: "I don't follow, what do you mean?"

After composing herself for a second, taking a deep breath, she responded: "I really wanted to speak to this guy who is very special to me. I just don't know how to get in touch with him. I have never been this alone before, and I don't even know if this is the right place to call."

Ted wanted to tell her, but he resisted. "First of all, happy birthday. Second, I just want to tell you that even though people seem far away, and even though you think you aren't being missed there is a good chance he wants to talk to you too. He probably misses you every day, and if he could get in touch with you he would tell you that things will get better. That you should try to be happy with or without him."

She was silent again, Ted thought she hung up. Then a clear voice responded: "I just didn't know what I wanted, but now I do. I really want him back and I don't even know how to get in touch with him. He just left everything. Everyone!"

Again, resisting the growing temptation to tell her who he was, Ted asked, "Is that what you really want?" "Yes." She said immediately. Ted knew now he couldn't tell her. "Well then you can rest assured that if that's what you really want, it will happen. Either you will make it happen, or he would also want you equally as much that he will come back to you, soon."

After a deep sigh, she said: "O.K. I wasn't sure if calling here was a promising idea, but now I know why you guys do what you do. I really needed this, and you knew exactly what to say. Thank you."

"Of course, that's what we do here. Call back anytime. You might not speak with me when you call but I'm sure whomever you speak with will be able to help you out. Take care and happy birthday." Ted said as calmly as possible.

With that she hung up. Ted was now looking forward to the next time they spoke, but this time it will be him calling. Then the phone rang again.

Ted picked up and a shaky voice said, "Hello? My dog is very sick! I just don't know what to do!"