Journey of a starving Girl is about my journey living with a eating disorder. I try to cope with the everyday struggles and still try and to be a normal teenager. My parents find out and it doesn't go over to well.. I hope you follow along with me t...
I don't really know how to start this. Hi, I'm Kaeleigh, must people call me Kae. I'm your average teenage girl, I hang out with my friends, go shopping whenever I can, and I'm obsessed with boys.. literally. Who's not though right? I'm 14, Almost 15. I'm going to tell you my story. I have a eating disorder, it's going on two years. This past year it's gotten really bad. I'm scared, confused, and I just want it to be over with it. Only if I could wake up one day and just decide to start eating again, if it was that simple. I miss the old me. The one that loved herself, the one that loved to eat and never counted calories. I had so much energy, I miss having the energy to do things. Now, I barely have the energy to run up the stairs. I get tired over little things. I have bags under my eyes, my skin is pale, My face is sunk in. You could say I'm a walking zombie. The only difference is, walking zombies eat and I don't. The old me is gone, I have no clue where she went and if she's ever coming back. I hate the new me, I don't know the new me.. all I know is she doesn't like to eat and food is bad. Being skinny is good, it somewhat makes me happy. Skinny.. skinny.. we have different versions of what that word means. To me, skinny is bones.. skinny is ribs popping out, thigh gaps, and most of all being able to say no to food. To you? Skinny means, diets, healthy, good skin, and pretty. The old me thought that too. My habits tend to get worst every day. I eat less and worry more about my calorie intake. 24/7 I'm constantly thinking about my next meal.. I restrict almost everything, I worry that I'm going to loose control and eat more then I know I should. Losing control is one of the scariest things, without control I wouldn't be this new me. I'm hoping that sharing my story can somehow help whoever's reading this understand what it's like and maybe if your going through it you can relate. In the midst of all of this I have lost myself. All of my feelings are slowly drifting away, everything I once cared about, doesn't concern me now. I'm so focused on losing weight and staying skinny. Writing is the only way I can somewhat cope with what I'm going through. This is a journey of a starving girl.
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