Journey Of A Starving Girl

Am I Wrong Or Right

At one point in my life, I became addicted to eating as little as Possible. Everyday I feel like I'm eating less. Consuming less calories. As months past by I get skinner, weaker, and more invisible. I'm starting to look a lot like a skeleton. If you were to ask me how I let it get this far, I wouldn't be able to Answer that. I'm still trying to figure that out.. all I know is that if took over fast. Once you let one thing consume your thoughts for a while there's no turning back. It's all your ever going to think  about. A while back I was actually scared, I got down to my lowest weight. 106. I told my parents.. which was a really bad idea but at the time I thought it was good. They made me a therapy appointment. I haven't gone yet, it's not until the end of November. What if it actually helps me to change? I don't want it too.. I'm okay. I have control, I know I do. I can stop at anytime I want. I'm mad at myself for telling my parents.. they won't leave me alone now. I'm lying to them, I'm telling them I'm eating.. that I'm better now. It's been 2 months since I told them and I'm down even more. I'm now at my new lowest weight, 104. But again, I can stop if I really want too. It's like a game to me. I set a goal and see how much weight I can loose in a short amount of time... I see how long I can go without food.. I restrict a lot of calories. Yeah, it may seem odd but it to shows me I can do anything I want. That I have control, not my parents or teachers. No one gets it.. but the thing is their lucky they don't get it. Because if you do get it, you know how hard it is.. emotionally and physically. I started my eating disorder because I hated myself.. but to be honest it's making me hate myself more. It makes me paranoid, it makes me short tempered, and it makes me forget everything that I once knew. I can't sleep anymore but I'm constantly tired. I cant even think right half the time. But it's all worth it! It gives me something, it's like something once was missing and now I finally have it back. I don't know what's going to happen to me but I hope I'll make the right choice soon.